*+_Praise † Grace_+*

Well, better said, I'm made alive. Ephesians 2:1-3 As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath. =) In fact I deserve wrath, I deserve punishment, I deserve condemnation. I followed the ways of this world, I followed the ways of my craving flesh and I let myself loose. Ephesians 2:4-5 But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. How do you define the word "mercy"? Mercy is "not giving what you deserve". How beautiful is His love for us that we are made alive in Him. His mercy f...

It had been a tough week, real tough week. So much conflict, so much tension, so much anger, so much tear. But Lord, we made it through. Well, I thought I could post this saying "I made it through!" but I have to admit, there's not a moment I don't need You. I was trying to tell You, "O God, would You let me just try to do this on my own?" Well, You did, and I failed miserably. Not expecting, again, I put my trust on the wrong person when I should trust You more. Then I reacted with frustration and anger. And then I realised, I'm the "Lot's wife" who looked back to who I was. When I was frustrated, I always have this line, "If I were Mock Kar Wai that was not a Christian, I would have beaten the crap out of him.", "If I'm not a Christian, I would have..." But, to look back at my expression of frustrations, what the heck was I doing? Why do I still miss the old wretched me? Why would I look back to the ugly me? ...

Ah, this is the night I miss my mother most. She called, yea she did, and I'm glad she did, because it reminds me that I still have a mother who loves me more than anything else, in the midst of my time-killer. No lovely lady ever called me, telling me how much she loves me. I had 2 girlfriends and none of them did that. That sound pretty sad but one, my mother. I love holding her hand and walk with her in shopping malls. I don't enjoy shopping, but I do enjoy walking with her. I enjoy being the odd grown-guy holding to his mum. If you would do that publicly, raise your hand and bravo to you! Talking about her hands, it's always the very thing that saddens me, and the very thing that lift my grateful soul for a mother like this. When I was young I remember asking my mum:" Mi, why are your fingers crooked?" She told me it was like this when she was young. Well, she was 14 by then, I'm now 20, I don't see my fingers crooked. Hmm, you'll get what I ...

O whao! It's December. Am I going to end this year with only 20++ post in my blog this year. Well, I always had reasons to write years before. The reason to write EVERY SINGLE DAY. It had been a tough week. By the grace of God, I managed to pull through, but I'm going to pay the price for procrastination sooner or later. Calculus assignment, Engineering Drawing Project, tutorials and undone revisions. Seriously, I have none in my head. Am I going to just flung my very first semester? Confucianism Talk was one tough event for me. Wonder if it's God's plan for me to work with them and learn humbly. To learn the very root of our Chinese Culture, and to love my very origin, the very wisdom of our fathers. I do enjoy being MC, I can proudly claim no one enjoys being MC in USM as much as I am. But to be truthful I do not really have the very strength to be one. Seriously, don't think being MC is any simple task. It's a time consuming task, not mentioning it'...

It's been a month ago since my last post. Well, being active in USM Engineering Campus did not bear me much fruit, except for fame, or notoriety. Still, what makes me passionate is God and Ultimate Frisbee. However, condition now in USM Engineering Campus is totally different than being in the Cheras Dogpound. I can count with one hand how many knows the basic of playing this game, and I can count with one hand how many are passionate about it. And when people are not passionate and afraid to try new things, weather plays an important role to hinder their decisions to join and learn something new. Therefore, I pray for a nice weather so that everyone may join. But for the past one month, without any post, at the same time, without any pick up on the field. It just rained every time I decide to play. And I started to question "Why do You like to do this?!" I was reading Daniel last night, trying to fall asleep, not even know what I was reading. But what caught ...

=) I really wish I have more time for my own and EMO for a little while. Because at least when I'm EMO, inspiration keeps pouring in. In Uni, I can't stop enough to breath? It's just jam packed with tasks, especially when given responsibilities. But you know what, I enjoy it. I really do. It's way better than just lying on my bed thinking about nonsense and feeling drowsy all day long. But still, you always hope for something else when you are in the midst of another. Alright, just a little quick update on what I did in the past week: Had Calculus test. O God, I left 2 questions blank and several questions stuck halfway. Rushing my engineering drawing and stuck halfway. But thank God I found a shortcut to finish it. Elected Secretary of Chinese Orchestra for Engineering Campus. LOL but I expected it it anyway. Though, I did not expect to be piled up with tasks and jobs. I kinda regret?! Had CG supper last Thursday. Drove all the way to Autocity at Juru just...

‎2 Corinthians 1:8-9 "...We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead." Reflecting this week, must have been a week of conflict and despair. Happily I came and just within a month I completely lost my direction. I've been running dry and again, I ran ahead of God. I run dry. Screwed up so many things, screwed up my own mood, screwed up others' mood, screwed up every known relationships and friendship. I felt like a jerk, I felt like a total hypocrite. There's so many pressure, responsibilities, far beyond my ability to endure. But, how could I ever forget such simple instruction? "...not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead." Finally I sat down and really think. Turning on BibleGateway and hit on 2 Corinthians 1, it immediately hits me ...

Imagine the moment you stand before God and required to give an account of the one and only life He had entrusted you. What would you tell God that you have done with your life? I got straight A, I graduated as PhD, I invented the next-big-thing, I spoke in world conference, I became a millionaire, my children are respected people in the society, I donated millions of dollars. Imagine also, God answered, "So, where are they now?" and you stood in shame. Invest wisely my dearest brothers and sisters!

Hello people! Some quick update! 1. I got my laptop today! Thanks to mom and dad who drove all the way from KL and drop me extra stuffs which includes my laptop! 2. 2nd week of Uni Life just ended! Life had been great! 3. Orientation week was hectic, but nonetheless, fun! I barely had any sleep, but what more for the seniors who put up the whole week for us. Thanks! 4. The sketch which seniors asked us to perform in short notice was a success thanks to God who put everything in place! 5. Completed my first engineering drawing. So proud of it! 6. Went for "Majlis Appresiasi Siswa Lestari" at main campus yesterday. We put on a good show! And out of my expectation, I was awarded "Freshie Sporting: Program Minggu Siswa Lestari". My first recognition in USM. Thanks a million to God and God alone! 7. There's a Parit Buntar Baptist Center near campus where I can attend. I was stunned with their worship. They actually play Hokkien praise! LOL nonetheless, the ch...

Home safely, but alone. =) Gave myself a smile. I'm gonna live by my own very soon, so I should not fear it. But this 4D3N trip wasn't really pleasant. I don't know why. Maybe because it rain for all 4 days; maybe because that's where I'm gonna live for my next 4 years; maybe because I'm having too much food and my stomach can't stand it; maybe because I can't have you right beside me; or maybe, I'm starting to drift off my group of friend. I just can't fit in anymore. Everything I do, I speak, I think is way too different, and I'm paying the price for it. I try very hard, but at the same time, I'm tired of holding on to it. So tired of being rejected, being taken for granted. But I still refuse to let go, because it's been what defines me so far. I don't know. It's a good trip after all, but I don't think I've enjoyed it max. It could be better. Even the sky seems grey and dark, but I know I'm not a...

I've never done this, never, to anyone on Earth. But Lord, You have definitely captured me. I can't explain to anyone else, but all my shame, all my fears, just vanished. You are faithful!

You are Love, You are Justice. You are King of kings, You are Washer of my feet. You are exalted Lord, You are Humbled Servant. You are the First, You are the Last. You are the Beginning, You are the End. You are the rider on donkey, You are the returner on horse. You are the Helper of the weak, You are the Shame of the strong. You are the healer of the sick, You are the disease of the Pharisees. You are the Judge, You are the Forgiver. You are treasured, You are despised. You are exalted, You are humiliated. You are the Holder of all things together, You are the Turner of family against family. You are The Giver of Life, You are The Conqueror of Death. You are the King of many crowns, You are the Beaten of many thorns. You are the Lion of Judah, You are the Lamb without blemish. You are raised to the Heaven, You are hung on the Cross. You are God, You are Man. You are EVERYTHING. You are my Saviour. You are my Lord. You are my Friend. You are ...

I didn't get why Christians can't live without God. Like I used to think, God is for weak arses. But to this very point, I realised I can't live without God. I used to live around friends. I live to please myself. Nothing matters more than being happy. The moment I believed, I had been growing, I craved for Him, hunger for Him. If He is taken away from me, it's gonna be terrifying, I lose my direction, my passion and my hope. I find no purpose in life anymore, for my life is to love Him and pursue Him. Oh God, take not Yourself away from me, for I need You, I want You and I love You. Thank You for being ever faithful, ever strong. Break me if You have to, I want to grow. If I ever stop growing, I'll be like a stagnant tree, better off thrown into fire and burned. There's no more purpose in me. Teach me constantly, and make me constantly teachable. Help me to be faithful, as unfaithful as I am. This is me, please take me as I am and make me into what Yo...

If I wake up early, one thing I like to do is to join my grandmother for a breakfast. I need not to sit with her, I just need to pass by, and greet her. You should look at her face. The joy is written in her face whenever she sees me. She is just so proud of me, of all grandchildren, I boldly claim, I made her proud. I'm the one who would publicly hug her, kiss her and she can brag about. Enjoy the joy she has when she starts telling her friends how much I'm a blessing to her. I often just smile and say:" That's because I'm well fed every night!" She cooks my dinner on weekdays by the way. This morning as I was reversing my car and get on my way to church. Met her again. I love the smile that immediately grew wide. I wind down the window and greeted her. Her friend walking alongside her, I think she's talking about me. My grandmother is proud of me almost everything, but just one thing. I AM A CHRISTIAN. That, might be her greatest shame. I don't know ...

Genesis 2:18 The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be ALONE . I will make a helper suitable for him.” Do you realise how much we need to have fellowship with each other? We are "engineered" to constantly look for relationship with one another. That's why you often see emo status from me, LOL. Jokes aside, there's one relationship we have to make right with, and all the rest will come into perspective. Unless we fix this ONE relationship, we will never have any right relationship. As broken as this world is, so is our relationship. Whether friendship, romance, family or even discipleship. We often feel hurt, betrayed and disappointed. Does that mean that is no hope, no love and I shall have no faith? And so we choose to run, to avoid, to hide. We fortify ourselves, not letting anyone in, so that no one can hurt us anymore. However, things just don't turn out as we expected. We grew weary watching against anyone who would come and hurt us. Why can't ...

I think I lost the purpose of writing this. It's always about mememememememe! When did my redeemed life become a life livin for myself. I'm writing this for the glory of God, not me! In my posts I often posture myself as a man of faith. But i really am not! I don't think I trust God enough. Yea, I don't. Because as I was singing "when I survey the cross", I was thinking about my Earthly father. I thought of the kinda love he has for me yet he doesn't wanna tell me. I was touched when he did not even think twice to offer to take a day off and willing to drive me all the way to Penang. Then I think about the time when he was on his sick bed. I think about the moment he rejected me so strongly when I first shared the Gospel with him. You know, God, I actually stopped believing that he could be saved and to come and witness my baptism. Then on, I never talked about the Gospel with him anymore. I'm just thinking, do I love my father enough to give him the b...

I like the way I designed my blog header, where the words and the crucifixion fits perfectly for each other... I was only less than 3 months old when I put that banner together on my newly learn Illustrator skill. But idea came to me so abundantly at the time, I kept working on it for two weeks. LOL But the banner somehow means differently to me right now. When I was making the banner, the crucifixion meant so so much to me. The sense of awe in me just couldn't stopping praising Him with the same lips I used to curse Him. But as I walk further and further away, this sense of awe slowly grew into stability where I kept struggling to keep my passion and my focus on Him. That blurry image of the crucifixion is like the image I try so hard to get it right in focus. As I walk, some times I lose sight of Christ, thinking I need to depend on my own, working my way and my own holiness, hoping it would please God or glorify Him. But I just don't get it, that God does not really need me,...

Ah! just check my archive, LOL already 2nd half of the year and yet I only have 12 posts. I'm so far behind. Or maybe I had not really move forward for the pass 6 months. Done nothing really impressive. Filled myself up with my job, chasing my targets like a wind, spending money like nobody's business. Still there's a obvious emptiness in me. I could have done greater things, for the greatest Being. Yet, for a life here on Earth small as a particle compared to my God greater than the clusters of galaxies, I worked like cow. Crap, I feel so stupid. Yet, I desire so much to just leave everything and venture out of my small world to do some work for my big God. Haiz, it's easier said than done. Easier said than done.

=) Was so busy, I can at last write on my blog 18 days after my actual birthday. Many things happened, (and many more things didn't) I just have no idea how to put them in place. Some little updates: I'm 20! (DUH!) I'm still working! Like a snake...the lazy one...not the crafty one. I'm still waiting for my iPod Touch. I didn't tell her, and I wish it stays that way. I got USM offer! Some course I have no idea at all. I'm going USM!!! Some isolated place. My birthday celebration was awesome! =) It was on a Friday, so yea, A HUGE JAM all the way home. Traffic, I mean, not fruit jam. But guess what, everyone was waiting for me! None has eaten until I came back, TOUCHED! And it was 8.45pm! I got a real thick chocolate cake and I love it! ~~ My uncle got married! My new aunt is now pregnant and I have 3 extra lovely cousins, ALL OF THE SUDDEN! I'm gonna have another one soon! LOL Surrounded by cousins, ah! I just love my family! ~~ God is just AWESOME! Just inde...

I could clearly remember the first Chapel Retreat I ever joined. I was merely 1 year old in Christ but I could never forget the sweetest thing I've ever heard. ~~~ Chaplain:" God made us on the sixth day, so where we were before the sixth day?" Just out of no where, I never thought I could have answered:" In His mind." ~~ Hahaha! Isn't that sweet? And I uttered this in complete oblivion and yes, I told myself the sweetest thing I've ever heard. Gen. 1:29-30 Then God said, “I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food. And to all the beasts of the earth and all the birds in the sky and all the creatures that move along the ground—everything that has the breath of life in it—I give every green plant for food.” And it was so. God spent the first 5 days of existence to layout the perfect place to have us live in. He spent the first day making the heaven and earth...

It's been 3 years, without me knowing. It's my birthday today, at least, according to Lunar Calendar. My root as a Chinese, everything that defines me, changes in such short 3 years. I never see myself in the place I am now 3 years back. I could never ever see so much, back before these 3 years. I see myself cursing Christians, calling them hypocrite, holding back their desires by their God (well now, our God!) . HYPOCRITES!! I would call them. You are born an animal and this life is all you have, enjoy it! Fulfill your desires, satisfy your lust! I laughed at them! How would I know I was scorning the same group of "unusual" people that now I put myself in? I never believe religion would change a human's nature. At least, I never knew God would change me. I never believe a Man that is not even physically here would do anything more incredible than to change my life. I never knew God Himself would be enough to satisfy me more than any desire, greed and lu...

Father I pray and I ask, When so many people are doing what they think is right, that I may do what you think is right. When so many people are being hurt, that I may reach down to the depth of their souls. When so many people are being violent and offensive, that I may venture to comfort their hearts. When so many people are judging the way of another, that I may be compassionate to both victim and offender. When so many people are laughing at the truth, that I may stay focus on what’s true. When so many people are suffering, that I may share their pain and carry them through. When so many people are paying evil with evil, that I may turn the other cheek. When so many people are celebrating the death of a brute, that I may celebrate the death of my King. When so many people are heading their certain death, that I may stand in their place to die for them. When so many “I” appear in my writing, that You may stand out and be glorify, that I may stand in AWE. For You must increase and I d...

Fear I know not, For in You my trust is rooted. Worry I carry not, For in You my need is provided. Despair I hold not, For in You my hope is set upon. Shame I feel not, For in You my sins are forgiven. Death I will not, For in You my life is given.

If I’m an artist, the sky is my painting board, Praises I will paint to the every atmosphere.  If I’m a singer, my soul is my loudspeaker, Mercy I will sing every step I take.  If I’m a runner, Your Word is my feet, Truth I will run, every pace rooted in You.  If I’m an engineer, My Lord is my stairway, Reconciliation I will build upon the Cornerstone builders rejected.  If I’m a doctor, Your blood is my medicine, Wounds I will heal to the deepest of the heart.  If I’m a sinner, Your resurrection is my death. New creation I will be to the end of eternity.  If I’m just myself, You are my pursuit and love, You alone I will love, with all my heart, my mind, my strength and my soul.

=/ how can I put them in words? O God, the power You put in me, the capability that many would envy, sometimes I wish I do not possess them. So many people are putting their hopes and expectation on me, and what I fear, I'm only mere human who needs You so badly, will fail and disappoint them. I'm not gonna pretend I'm tough and invincible, simply because I'm not. I wish You did not choose me to be capable of bearing the cross and drink that cup. It is simply not my will to do anything. But my will is not my own Lord. Even Jesus, who was going to be prosecuted, to be nailed onto the cross, submitted to Your will. He asked for that cup to be removed from Him, yet He drank it all. [ Luke 22:42 , Matthew 26:42 ] I'm in a better state than He was, I guess I have no reason to run away from this responsibility You put in me even before I was born. I'm proud to say You are my Lord, I wanna make you proud of me as You would to many other people. Hence, it is not really ...

What has the whole world turn into? Chaos, war, hatred, politics, injustice, oppression and...you name it. The list goes on, and on, and on, and on.... Don't look at the whole world, look at our own country first. What has our country turn into? The most honoured place of justice, the justice court. What have we done it to? Defiled and haunted. It turned into a rich man's market, a politician's playground. Judges turn blind and ignorant. Fogged by golds and silvers, clouded by insecurity, they lost the sole value that honors them - JUSTICE. Injustice happens right in front of our eyes, we ignore them. Oppression happens right on us, we willingly give them up. Where is our honour? Our freedom? Our....who we are? The whole world is more evil than it was before, and yet ignorant man calls ourselves "wise wise man" (Homo Sapien sapien) when we are the one playing a fool with the whole world. O God, I can't bear a second in this wild crazy world. But we are bearing...

My besties always tell me: "I'm very OPEN MINDED one, I'm not in any religion. If you think you have the truth, you are true. But don't need to preach God to me, I believe every religion teaches people to be good." You think such statement is true by itself? I mean, I find this funny, the whole statement is self-refuting. Will a truly OPEN MINDED person rejects something, before even giving it a fair hearing? I would believe only in something I see SCIENTIFIC. Er, just exactly how SCIENTIFIC is your SCIENCE? Or did you just jump into conclusion and squeeze irrelevant evidences later just to fit your "conclusion"? All these years of doing scientific reports in school just went down the drain. But I must also mention, I've very impressed by my Best Trusted Friend, Lee Voon Keong. The most OPEN MINDED person I've ever known in my life. He's fully open to ideas, he listens and slow to judge. Sometimes, that just worries me more. Because he's ...

(source: Ready With An Answer For the Tough Questions About God by John Ankerberg & John Weldon) What evolutionists are trying to achieve is to explain God away, and hence, there’s no need for morality that stops them from doing whatever they want. There’s no need for judgement, no rules, nothing to hold us back. We can have sex with whoever we want, promote homosexuality, and even justify abortion. =) Isn’t this nice? Yea, I found it nice, it’s exactly what I wanted isn’t it? That’s why I believed in evolution theory so so much. I could have any wife I want, I could drink all I want, I can enjoy myself in all such pleasure, because I’m going to die anyway. Purposeless, I can live my life without purpose. I could live by my own moral according to my own interest. I determine what is right and what is wrong. As long as I achieve my goal, I’m right. But, truth remains true even if I want to deny it so badly. This is a world with purpose, with order and of course with a Crea...

Dear God, What could I have asked more of You? It’s amazing how You work Your miracles in my life. One moment I was like angry with You, the next thing I know, I got a job way better than I could imagine. I’m glad I have You as my God. A God who loves me so so much. You who held me up, and You who always provide a way for me to escape. I was so so tempted to take up the gambling company position. RM1800 + transport allowance up to RM400 + commission and EASY JOB~! Which post-STPM student would not be attracted by such offer? I don’t know about others, but I was seriously gonna fall for it. Thank You who held me on. I talked to Uncle Rodney about it because I struggle within my heart and I wasn’t sure. I wonder what I was about to do is right in Your sight. After being affirmed, I decided to take the less convenient route, to forget the job totally. It was not a smooth sail after that anyway, and I was kinda angry with You at that moment. But I didn’t know it’s Your plan to teach me suc...

The Chronicles of Narnia: Voyage of the Dawn Treader was really like a wake up call. Seeing how they venture into Dark Island to save those lost souls, I questioned myself:" How far would I venture into the darkness of this world and light it up? How much do I trust You in doing so?" Apparently, I lost that confidence in You, mainly because I lost that confidence in myself. I lost that belief that I'm capable of doing many thing with You. I lost that belief that I can actually make a slight difference. So I fell away, let You down, and broke every single promise that I could barely hold on to. I felt unworthy, I felt I have not done enough to please You, and I find it so so hard to do so, so then I gave up. But You. Grace, is outrageously amazing. I could hardly imagine, I could hardly explain it. Undeserved, You patiently awaits me to return, patiently draws me back, cause You'll never let go. Nothing will separate me from Your love and Your grace. Romans 8:38-39 I...