Hypocrite?

It's been 3 years, without me knowing. It's my birthday today, at least, according to Lunar Calendar. My root as a Chinese, everything that defines me, changes in such short 3 years. I never see myself in the place I am now 3 years back. I could never ever see so much, back before these 3 years.

I see myself cursing Christians, calling them hypocrite, holding back their desires by their God (well now, our God!). HYPOCRITES!! I would call them. You are born an animal and this life is all you have, enjoy it! Fulfill your desires, satisfy your lust! I laughed at them!

How would I know I was scorning the same group of "unusual" people that now I put myself in? I never believe religion would change a human's nature. At least, I never knew God would change me. I never believe a Man that is not even physically here would do anything more incredible than to change my life. I never knew God Himself would be enough to satisfy me more than any desire, greed and lust. I never even expect to be loved so much.

Deep down inside of that Form 4 me, I know, I'm broken, shameful of what and who I am. That pride of me, I don't need Anyone to forgive me, I never thought I could be forgiven anyway. Those prides of me, if God is God, show Yourself! I never knew, that if were to see God Himself, it would have been to late. I never knew, God was there keep telling me that He is, He was and He will be there. I'm a sinner, I knew it, but I never want to admit it. Yea, I'm the leader of the Scout Troop, so if I'm wrong, who would obey me? Who would fear me? Who would respect me? NEVER!!!

And never did anyone know how tired, how broken and how weak I was. How much tear I dripped, how much sweat I wiped to bear that burden I put on myself, thinking it could make me happy.

But little did I know, He saw it. He knew it and He knows it. No matter how much I tried to deny Him, how many time I laughed at His people, He just never one day, stopped loving me. Little did I know, that He, who was scorned, tortured and nailed on the Cross, would "Record my misery; list my tears on [His] scroll..." [Psalm 56:8]

My world turned upside down when He just came into my life. My proud successes became my shameful failure, my ladders of success became my stumbling stones, my knowledge became my ignorance, my intelligence became my foolishness. I hated this part, to be honest, I didn't like it AT ALL!

Abby knew how much I try to struggle. How many falls I took to learn a harsh lesson, how many things I can't pursue, how many (evil) plans I can't carry out, how many vengeance I can't take, how many girls I can't tackle (LOL).

God isn't really a good salesman. There wasn't one thing attractive about Him to me. But I'm so so in love with Him (as much as He is, perhaps, only a tiny part of how much He does), it's like I would abandon my family just to be with a girl I love so so much. To go against my (earthly, most important) father's will and expectation, to break my (most beloved) mother's heart, to anger my (most dear) sister. I would cry for days.

I can't describe how the power of the Holy Spirit works, but I can show you some result. My world view of who I am, what I am and what they are has totally been changed. My rage (that I would beat the heck out of my sister and shout at whoever that doesn't do what I expected) vanished. My impatience (now I can wait 5 minutes longer, LOL) tendered. My leadership style (dictatorship to servant-leader) changes. My words (harsh and ugly) soften. And, of course, many, many things.

And so, what was I saying? Oh yea, I'm the "hypocrite"! So be it! And that, Christ will work so thoroughly, you'll be next! Like SERIOUSLY!!!