Sentence of Death

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‎2 Corinthians 1:8-9 "...We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead."

Reflecting this week, must have been a week of conflict and despair. Happily I came and just within a month I completely lost my direction.

I've been running dry and again, I ran ahead of God. I run dry.

Screwed up so many things, screwed up my own mood, screwed up others' mood, screwed up every known relationships and friendship.

I felt like a jerk, I felt like a total hypocrite.

There's so many pressure, responsibilities, far beyond my ability to endure. But, how could I ever forget such simple instruction? "...not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead."

Finally I sat down and really think. Turning on BibleGateway and hit on 2 Corinthians 1, it immediately hits me into near breakdown of tears.

I just don't get it don't I?! Rely on God, rely on God. He is stronger than I am, rely on Him, "...and he will deliver us again. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers." 2 Corinthians 1:10-11

God, I fall down in complete submission and humility. Forgive me for all the things I've screwed up and thinking that I could do this on my own. Forgive me for forgetting thus far I've come, it is You who enabled me. I know I'm the least of all sinners, but would Your mercy and grace lift my heads up and stand shameless before you. Make me white as snow, innocent as dove.

To everyone I've hurt, I am truly, truly sorry. I've fail, but if you would forgive me, I'll make it right! No, God will make it right for me.

In Jesus' Name I pray, Amen.

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