What else?! It's Christmas!!!
It had been a tough week, real tough week. So much conflict, so much tension, so much anger, so much tear. But Lord, we made it through. Well, I thought I could post this saying "I made it through!" but I have to admit, there's not a moment I don't need You.
I was trying to tell You, "O God, would You let me just try to do this on my own?" Well, You did, and I failed miserably. Not expecting, again, I put my trust on the wrong person when I should trust You more. Then I reacted with frustration and anger. And then I realised, I'm the "Lot's wife" who looked back to who I was.
When I was frustrated, I always have this line, "If I were Mock Kar Wai that was not a Christian, I would have beaten the crap out of him.", "If I'm not a Christian, I would have..."
But, to look back at my expression of frustrations, what the heck was I doing? Why do I still miss the old wretched me? Why would I look back to the ugly me? I'm saved to be a new creation, I'm saved to be set free, I'm saved to look and continue to a bright future my God has for me.
God, I'm so sorry. I thought I could do this alone. And again, You proved me wrong, yet You taught me gently. I'm so sorry I looked back, and for a moment I wanted to deny You and let myself loose in control. All the more I thank You for Your Grace and Mercy which You forgave me through Jesus Christ, and all the more I thank You Holy Spirit for holding me back from sinning further.
I had so much to complain, but my God gave me the comfort I needed, there's nothing left but joy and praises.
So, hard time was over when my Engineering Drawing was handed up safely to the lecturer. Then comes the fun part, it's Christmas Celebration for the very first time in USM Engineering Campus. Can you believe it? It's Christmas in University, on my very first semester of my very first year.
Acting as King Herod, the evil king who killed baby 2 years old and younger...kekeke, the drama joined effort with coral speaking did a wonderful presentation. Shan Yee my fellow coursemate was impressed by the presentation and found it meaningful. We had a wonderful worship time, going round shaking hands with believers and non-believers alike. I guess USM KKJ had never been warmer than this, celebrating Christmas far from home yet felt just like home.
Oh did I mention we had 2 Muslim friends that joined us? Haha, praise be to God our Most High King who is able to do immeasurably more! Oh, did I also mentioned I was greeted by a sweet sweet news that one of my old friend, whom I least expected, accepted Christ Jesus as his Lord and Savior? This is my best Christmas present ever!
I was so excited, even after 2 sleepless nights, I was still awake, smiling!
Then, come the week filled with test. I forgot to mention before the Christmas Celebration, I failed my Electrical Technology test badly. I was the first to hand up, a half blank paper. Engineering Drawing test was awful, there were 5 separate parts to draw and to assemble, 2.5 hours is just not enough. But no point crying over the past, Engineering Practice was okay while it was majority objective theories. Thank God for Engineering Material, our lecturer couldn't stand our incompetence and gave us tips, which greatly helped me.
But the most awesome part comes after the last test, it's the beginning of Christmas Celebration! Right after the test, just in time, Isaac Koh rang my phone "Dude, wanna watch MI or not?" "YES PLEASE!!" And off I go for midnight show. MI was action packed until I forgot to breathe. You should see Joy's reaction, she was literally jumping off her seat and screaming!
When I reach safely back in campus, it was 3.45am. Alright, time for shooting stars. So I waited for roughly 15min for my course-mates walking sleepily out of their hostels. I was still excited, jumping around listening to some music. It was a cloudy night, so I wasn't expecting to see any shooting stars. But I enjoyed the silent night, well I always enjoy the moment of self-induced emotions and romance. Listening to "FM Static - Tonight" on my iPod, so many thoughts came to me. People I missed, people I loved and still do, well I so wanted to tell them how much I love them, but it just tells me one thing, that I'm still....confused.
One of those sleepless night I was talking to Joshua Johnson, USM KKJ Youth Worker. Am I facing some post-teenage crisis? You know, I used to be like really romantic and loud. I was never ashamed to go after any girl. But stepping foot into USM KKJ, things are different. I just feel so tired, so hurt, and so afraid to develop ANY closer friendship with girls, it's still okay for me to joke around, but it's just hard for me to invite anyone into my painful heart. I just wanna focus, on making myself a place in University, like I used to in MBS, but the yearn for someone close to my heart is killing me. And the screw up thing is, I refuse to take the initiative. I just want to wait, hoping for the one I wish would fall for me. I just wait, I don't even dare to pray and ask for the "her", I don't wanna move a finger.
JJ said, it's not at all a crisis, it's but a sign that I've grown mature, that I recognise that BGR isn't the only thing I have in life. He suggested that I should take a long break from it. Well, I pray and I hope this is true, because it's painful inside. I'm never an indecisive guy, when this is definitely my soft spot, be gentle.
So, emotions aside, I had a "home alone" Christmas Eve, nuff said. Don't wanna talk about it, CF people BO JIO watch Sherlock Holmes, EMO! I just copy my FB status:
CF-ers are mostly from Christian family background. They shared their Christmas experiences with their parents. I envied, really. How I wish I came from a Christian family. But how many "how I wish" could I have? Well, I might not have been saved and lived up to my name if I came from there. I thank God for that, and suddenly, I miss my parents. How desperately I want them to know that I love them so so much EVERYDAY of my life.
Well, alright. Christmas ended and start of study week. O how I wish Christmas never ends. =)
kekeke, New Year's coming, BBQ is coming! We talk more emo stuff next time?
Anyway, thank you Lord for Your faithfulness. I beg for Your forgiveness for my unfaithfulness and incompetence. Jesus You are the One who completes me. This Christmas, I remember all the things You've done just to save one wretched me and I'm forever thankful for that. I give You honor and I give You praise. In Jesus' Name that I pray, Amen!
I was trying to tell You, "O God, would You let me just try to do this on my own?" Well, You did, and I failed miserably. Not expecting, again, I put my trust on the wrong person when I should trust You more. Then I reacted with frustration and anger. And then I realised, I'm the "Lot's wife" who looked back to who I was.
When I was frustrated, I always have this line, "If I were Mock Kar Wai that was not a Christian, I would have beaten the crap out of him.", "If I'm not a Christian, I would have..."
But, to look back at my expression of frustrations, what the heck was I doing? Why do I still miss the old wretched me? Why would I look back to the ugly me? I'm saved to be a new creation, I'm saved to be set free, I'm saved to look and continue to a bright future my God has for me.
God, I'm so sorry. I thought I could do this alone. And again, You proved me wrong, yet You taught me gently. I'm so sorry I looked back, and for a moment I wanted to deny You and let myself loose in control. All the more I thank You for Your Grace and Mercy which You forgave me through Jesus Christ, and all the more I thank You Holy Spirit for holding me back from sinning further.
I had so much to complain, but my God gave me the comfort I needed, there's nothing left but joy and praises.
So, hard time was over when my Engineering Drawing was handed up safely to the lecturer. Then comes the fun part, it's Christmas Celebration for the very first time in USM Engineering Campus. Can you believe it? It's Christmas in University, on my very first semester of my very first year.
Acting as King Herod, the evil king who killed baby 2 years old and younger...kekeke, the drama joined effort with coral speaking did a wonderful presentation. Shan Yee my fellow coursemate was impressed by the presentation and found it meaningful. We had a wonderful worship time, going round shaking hands with believers and non-believers alike. I guess USM KKJ had never been warmer than this, celebrating Christmas far from home yet felt just like home.
Oh did I mention we had 2 Muslim friends that joined us? Haha, praise be to God our Most High King who is able to do immeasurably more! Oh, did I also mentioned I was greeted by a sweet sweet news that one of my old friend, whom I least expected, accepted Christ Jesus as his Lord and Savior? This is my best Christmas present ever!
I was so excited, even after 2 sleepless nights, I was still awake, smiling!
Then, come the week filled with test. I forgot to mention before the Christmas Celebration, I failed my Electrical Technology test badly. I was the first to hand up, a half blank paper. Engineering Drawing test was awful, there were 5 separate parts to draw and to assemble, 2.5 hours is just not enough. But no point crying over the past, Engineering Practice was okay while it was majority objective theories. Thank God for Engineering Material, our lecturer couldn't stand our incompetence and gave us tips, which greatly helped me.
But the most awesome part comes after the last test, it's the beginning of Christmas Celebration! Right after the test, just in time, Isaac Koh rang my phone "Dude, wanna watch MI or not?" "YES PLEASE!!" And off I go for midnight show. MI was action packed until I forgot to breathe. You should see Joy's reaction, she was literally jumping off her seat and screaming!
When I reach safely back in campus, it was 3.45am. Alright, time for shooting stars. So I waited for roughly 15min for my course-mates walking sleepily out of their hostels. I was still excited, jumping around listening to some music. It was a cloudy night, so I wasn't expecting to see any shooting stars. But I enjoyed the silent night, well I always enjoy the moment of self-induced emotions and romance. Listening to "FM Static - Tonight" on my iPod, so many thoughts came to me. People I missed, people I loved and still do, well I so wanted to tell them how much I love them, but it just tells me one thing, that I'm still....confused.
One of those sleepless night I was talking to Joshua Johnson, USM KKJ Youth Worker. Am I facing some post-teenage crisis? You know, I used to be like really romantic and loud. I was never ashamed to go after any girl. But stepping foot into USM KKJ, things are different. I just feel so tired, so hurt, and so afraid to develop ANY closer friendship with girls, it's still okay for me to joke around, but it's just hard for me to invite anyone into my painful heart. I just wanna focus, on making myself a place in University, like I used to in MBS, but the yearn for someone close to my heart is killing me. And the screw up thing is, I refuse to take the initiative. I just want to wait, hoping for the one I wish would fall for me. I just wait, I don't even dare to pray and ask for the "her", I don't wanna move a finger.
JJ said, it's not at all a crisis, it's but a sign that I've grown mature, that I recognise that BGR isn't the only thing I have in life. He suggested that I should take a long break from it. Well, I pray and I hope this is true, because it's painful inside. I'm never an indecisive guy, when this is definitely my soft spot, be gentle.
So, emotions aside, I had a "home alone" Christmas Eve, nuff said. Don't wanna talk about it, CF people BO JIO watch Sherlock Holmes, EMO! I just copy my FB status:
Rescue call from Joy Yii,Keke, it's Christmas! Waking up early and went to church. O Good Lord, this is the most AWESOME Christmas Celebration I had. Dancing with the Africans, ate non-stop, Secret Recipe + Anti-Social iPod iPhone Session, awesome FOREVER ALONE Christmas dinner with Joy, Andrea and Gilbert.
Joash: Hello, JOY! SAVE ME!!!
Joy: Hello, is this Mr. Joash ah?
Joash: Yes!
Joy: Are you dead yet?!
Joash: Going to....I'm lying on my casket d!
Joy: Isit? Do you need CPR?!
Joash: BY ALL MEANS, but, any girl other than you la...*troll*
Joy: Ah, no need la. You just jump out of the window la.
Joash: *walk near the window thinking Joy's waiting me downstairs* Are you going to catch me ah?
Joy: Er, you look to my room hor, very dark right?! Yeah lo, I wont be there to catch you la, but if you jump out, the guard will find you soon and send you to the hospital.
Joash: SO SAD!!!
Joy: We'll come pick you up in 40min for DINNER!
*JOY to the world! Salvation is finally here this Christmas Eve!*
Merry Christmas!
CF-ers are mostly from Christian family background. They shared their Christmas experiences with their parents. I envied, really. How I wish I came from a Christian family. But how many "how I wish" could I have? Well, I might not have been saved and lived up to my name if I came from there. I thank God for that, and suddenly, I miss my parents. How desperately I want them to know that I love them so so much EVERYDAY of my life.
Well, alright. Christmas ended and start of study week. O how I wish Christmas never ends. =)
Anyway, thank you Lord for Your faithfulness. I beg for Your forgiveness for my unfaithfulness and incompetence. Jesus You are the One who completes me. This Christmas, I remember all the things You've done just to save one wretched me and I'm forever thankful for that. I give You honor and I give You praise. In Jesus' Name that I pray, Amen!
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