Wake Me Up, When September Ends

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It's weird when almost every post for the start of the month always start with "It's been a long time since I last posted." HAHA!

But well, the fact remains, it's been a long time since I last posted.

I guess being FEMS Coordinator challenges me further that I ever expected. The semester kick-started with CF Night. It was truly taxing and demanded every bit of my strength. I wonder why it actually eats me up more than any event. However, I truly enjoyed it nevertheless. After the event, I'm sick until now.

I was worried. CF, PBBC, UFO, almost everywhere needs me to put my feet in. I would be lying if I tell you I do not wish to be MC for any event that's going on in Campus. I would really enjoy doing that. But if I can't even handle what is already given to me, how can I want to do anything else? So I lay low on this, and soon people just doesn't approach me for MC anymore.

Well, seriously it hurts. I was popular, and I have to let it go. How much I yearn to be seen on the stage, holding the microphone that gives me enormous self-confidence and pride. And every time I step off the stage, friends will come with their praises and admiration. I love indulging in such admiration. Too much of it, became a poison for me. But the joy is, I would rather God be glorified. I would rather God has all the fame. And I guess it's time I learn how to be humble.

I've the proposal ready and saved in my computer. But there isn't one piece of courage that I can find to print it out and submit it. I'm not so much worried about being rejected, but rather I'm more terrified by the idea when it is formed, I will have more commitment and responsibilities.

How come all these didn't occur to me before all these started? And now I'm crushed by all these burdens once again. I feel even more lonelier than ever. I refuse to talk to God, AGAIN. Like seriously, when am I going to learn my lesson?

Everything is pretty messed up right now and I'm trying to pick pieces up and put them nicely again.

All I know now is to complain, like a poor dog, begging for compassion and pity.

But God, I will trust You, please, trust me.

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