MDJ 23 Oct 2012

By -
ODB 23 Oct 2012
The journey back from workshop was a terribly long one. Lamentation 3:15,17&18 best describe my feeling:" He has filled me with bitter herbs and given me gall to drink......I have been deprived of peace; I have forgotten what prosperity is. So I say:' My splendor is gone and all I had hoped from the Lord."

I really wished my dad would love me the way he loves others. As I was talking to my mom and she tells me all that my dad suffered outside my house, she also tells me the sentimental part of my dad whom sound strange to me.

The cheezy, loving, gentle dad is not the dad that I know. Ever since young I'm dying to live out to be a son after his heart, but it never seems enough. Even that lazy, worthless uncle of mine seems to get more defending praise than I do. I really don't know what my dad is expecting of me, the impossible?

The sole reason why I would be jealous of my sister ever since young was because dad praises her even if she's not trying. I really want a dad that loves me like that.

All that I could find comfort in a Fatherly figure that I want is from the Lord "because His compassion fail not." But He has been harsh on me too. I could pretend all day I'm alright, but I'm at the brink of snapping here. With things all piling up, all that I want to do is running away or sleeping it off. Well, I want to just sleep forever.

But I'll hang on, because beyond all these I see how both my fathers love me. And to these love I will hang on, because when the whole worls betrays me, thesew two big guys are going to be there for me.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

November? No, Remember! Part 4

By -
Image
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 5. Project Kwam Wang - Sabaidee, Laos! I don't think I can ever say this enough: Laos is an unforgettable nation, mainly because of the unforgettable journey that God had taken me through. The initial idea was to paint a school building in Vientiane, but imagine our shock when the team saw a building with 2-walled rooms. Instead of complaining, the team quickly came together to lay bricks and cement. 5 days later, we have classrooms with 4 walls and whole school of happy children. The highlight of the trip came later. To catch our flight in Lua Prabang, we took a 6-hour bus ride into Vang Vien, a magical, spectacular heaven-on-earth. The 2-hour tubing experience to enjoy the peace and scenic view of Vang Vien mountain range, the lovely morning breakfast with a morning sunshine and green mountains. It was a great time of serenity and reflection. Then another 6 hours of bus ride across the mountain into Lua Prabang. Tasted on
Read more

Stand for Judas

By -
You know, there was once my sister told me when I tell her the story of "The Last Supper":"Yer! Why Judas Iscariot so bad one? Betray Jesus ( with a kiss )!" I did not answer her question, I did not know how. I got the answer lately, the thinking somehow struck my mind. Some people might say Judas is bad , taken over by devil. But I think he is quite a brave man actually. If he did not sell Jesus out, Jesus could not carry out His Father's plan. He was actually carrying out his mission that God gave him. And yet, after accomplishing his mission, he hung himself. Think about it, will you kill yourself after accomplishing a mission or successfully completed an important job? Well, even if I throw a knife to you and ask you to cut yourself would need huge courage ( Mrs. Ramani did this experiment before and I had seen it myself, even I would not cut myself ), prove me wrong! Not to say to praise him for selling the Son of Man out, but he deserves our little re
Read more

Heavenly Disconnected

By -
We were all happily chit-chatting (or yelling) at grandma’s house. My second aunt suggested that we go to one of her cousin’s house to visit them but unfortunately the cousin wasn’t at home so we had to cancel it. Then I suggested to visit my youngest aunt’s house with the urge to play some mahjong. My intention was to play only, I did not intend to involve money. We drove there in 3 separate cars with me fetching my sister only. As we reached there we got everything ready, the mahjong table, chairs and of course, the mahjong. I couldn’t wait for my elder cousin to come and join me for a 3-Players Cantonese Mahjong. Just to make it fun, I (while being a Christian) suggested to involve money. This is where the problem starts. I feel pride arise. Holy Spirit was prompting me not to play with money, in fact, the mahjong at all. But I ignored it on purpose but seek selfish desire for pleasure and greed. I won around RM10 with starting fund RM13. But I also get the sense of guilt.
Read more