MDJ 23 Oct 2012

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ODB 23 Oct 2012
The journey back from workshop was a terribly long one. Lamentation 3:15,17&18 best describe my feeling:" He has filled me with bitter herbs and given me gall to drink......I have been deprived of peace; I have forgotten what prosperity is. So I say:' My splendor is gone and all I had hoped from the Lord."

I really wished my dad would love me the way he loves others. As I was talking to my mom and she tells me all that my dad suffered outside my house, she also tells me the sentimental part of my dad whom sound strange to me.

The cheezy, loving, gentle dad is not the dad that I know. Ever since young I'm dying to live out to be a son after his heart, but it never seems enough. Even that lazy, worthless uncle of mine seems to get more defending praise than I do. I really don't know what my dad is expecting of me, the impossible?

The sole reason why I would be jealous of my sister ever since young was because dad praises her even if she's not trying. I really want a dad that loves me like that.

All that I could find comfort in a Fatherly figure that I want is from the Lord "because His compassion fail not." But He has been harsh on me too. I could pretend all day I'm alright, but I'm at the brink of snapping here. With things all piling up, all that I want to do is running away or sleeping it off. Well, I want to just sleep forever.

But I'll hang on, because beyond all these I see how both my fathers love me. And to these love I will hang on, because when the whole worls betrays me, thesew two big guys are going to be there for me.

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