How Much Longer

By -
Lord, You are the God of Heaven, and here I am on earth, so I'll let my words be few.

How much longer? How much longer do I have to wait? I'm getting restless and I'm getting impatient. All those pressing comments and all those concerned voices, I wish they would just shut up.

People simply do not understand. It is never my desire to be idle. I wish I can earn my own living too. People seems to think I enjoy being unproductive; lazing around as I eat off what little savings I have. I wish they could stop telling me what to do, even though I know they were out of loving concerns. I know what to do, but it's all waiting now.

Why don't people understand: waiting is not necessarily something bad. Must I be constantly doing something or contributing something, otherwise there is no place for my existence?

I wish I could sleep off those waiting time, but only to be awaken by dad's name calling: Rice Bug. Figuratively, he's making fun of me for eating without working. He, of all people should understand how I feel: No man wants to feel so inferior and helpless to provide for their family. I wish I could provide too, but it's now all waiting.

So God, how much longer do I have to wait? 3 days is like 3 years bearing those spear-like comments and "advice". I feel like I'll be drown soon. I'm like a sloth waiting at home just to be fed. Nothing interests me. I just feel like shying away from the crowds so they could stop telling me what to do.

How much longer do I have to bear this shame?

If You have asked me to wait, then I shall wait. I only ask of You Lord, may the day where my heads are lifted up high, come sooner.

Psalm 130
Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord!
O Lord, hear my voice!
   Let your ears be attentive
   to the voice of my pleas for mercy!

If you, O Lord, should mark iniquities,
   O Lord, who could stand?
But with you there is forgiveness,
   that you may be feared.

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
   and in his word I hope;
my soul waits for the Lord
   more than watchmen for the morning,
   more than watchmen for the morning.

O Israel, hope in the Lord!
   For with the Lord there is steadfast love,
   and with him is plentiful redemption.
And he will redeem Israel
   from all his iniquities.

God's Character, My Encounter.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

If I Had Walked Away

By -
Image
Reflecting my past two and a half years in Li Xin Baptist Church, I can't help but wonder what would happened if I had walked away. It was an easy choice to make, LXBC was at her low point: members leaving the church, some considering to leave, worship team was in a mess, the spirit of worship was nowhere to be found, suspicion among members. I was new in town and working across the bridge. It would have been much easier if I had chosen to attend a church nearer to where I stay and easier for me to practice my faith. Pastor Matthew and Ai Hua at my graduation Yet I stayed. In hindsight, I don't think I made that choice on my own. God placed me here and I somehow had the heart and courage to say: this is where I will stay. While I'm glad I did, but it would have saved me from so much trouble and discomfort. My First Mission to Thailand with LXBC But if I had walked away, I think... 1. I would have missed the opportunity to allow God to mold me in my charact
Read more

That Sea Raging in Me

By -
Image
Even as I'm writing this, I am so tempted to pretend everything is alright going on in me. As this may be read by people, a great part of me wants to pretend that everything is going alright. But if I am to be real, I need to stop pretending that I am okay with all that comes crashing on me. I think I've been told so many times that I should keep my anger and pride in check, I begin to believe that I have no right to feel angry. I must put up the kind, compassionate, gentle side of me even when within me, my anger rages. I'm supposed to swallow all the "unloading" people give me. Why does it feel like I am constantly the one who is at fault: that I'm not gentle enough, not respectful enough, not humble enough, not wise enough, not compassionate enough? That I must be gentle, be wise, be respectful, even when I am accused, wronged and misunderstood? Why? Do I have no right to express the first emotion that comes to me? Do I have no right to be hap
Read more

November? No, Remember! Part 4

By -
Image
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 5. Project Kwam Wang - Sabaidee, Laos! I don't think I can ever say this enough: Laos is an unforgettable nation, mainly because of the unforgettable journey that God had taken me through. The initial idea was to paint a school building in Vientiane, but imagine our shock when the team saw a building with 2-walled rooms. Instead of complaining, the team quickly came together to lay bricks and cement. 5 days later, we have classrooms with 4 walls and whole school of happy children. The highlight of the trip came later. To catch our flight in Lua Prabang, we took a 6-hour bus ride into Vang Vien, a magical, spectacular heaven-on-earth. The 2-hour tubing experience to enjoy the peace and scenic view of Vang Vien mountain range, the lovely morning breakfast with a morning sunshine and green mountains. It was a great time of serenity and reflection. Then another 6 hours of bus ride across the mountain into Lua Prabang. Tasted on
Read more