How Much Longer

By -
Lord, You are the God of Heaven, and here I am on earth, so I'll let my words be few.

How much longer? How much longer do I have to wait? I'm getting restless and I'm getting impatient. All those pressing comments and all those concerned voices, I wish they would just shut up.

People simply do not understand. It is never my desire to be idle. I wish I can earn my own living too. People seems to think I enjoy being unproductive; lazing around as I eat off what little savings I have. I wish they could stop telling me what to do, even though I know they were out of loving concerns. I know what to do, but it's all waiting now.

Why don't people understand: waiting is not necessarily something bad. Must I be constantly doing something or contributing something, otherwise there is no place for my existence?

I wish I could sleep off those waiting time, but only to be awaken by dad's name calling: Rice Bug. Figuratively, he's making fun of me for eating without working. He, of all people should understand how I feel: No man wants to feel so inferior and helpless to provide for their family. I wish I could provide too, but it's now all waiting.

So God, how much longer do I have to wait? 3 days is like 3 years bearing those spear-like comments and "advice". I feel like I'll be drown soon. I'm like a sloth waiting at home just to be fed. Nothing interests me. I just feel like shying away from the crowds so they could stop telling me what to do.

How much longer do I have to bear this shame?

If You have asked me to wait, then I shall wait. I only ask of You Lord, may the day where my heads are lifted up high, come sooner.

Psalm 130
Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord!
O Lord, hear my voice!
   Let your ears be attentive
   to the voice of my pleas for mercy!

If you, O Lord, should mark iniquities,
   O Lord, who could stand?
But with you there is forgiveness,
   that you may be feared.

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
   and in his word I hope;
my soul waits for the Lord
   more than watchmen for the morning,
   more than watchmen for the morning.

O Israel, hope in the Lord!
   For with the Lord there is steadfast love,
   and with him is plentiful redemption.
And he will redeem Israel
   from all his iniquities.

God's Character, My Encounter.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

November? No, Remember! Part 4

By -
Image
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 5. Project Kwam Wang - Sabaidee, Laos! I don't think I can ever say this enough: Laos is an unforgettable nation, mainly because of the unforgettable journey that God had taken me through. The initial idea was to paint a school building in Vientiane, but imagine our shock when the team saw a building with 2-walled rooms. Instead of complaining, the team quickly came together to lay bricks and cement. 5 days later, we have classrooms with 4 walls and whole school of happy children. The highlight of the trip came later. To catch our flight in Lua Prabang, we took a 6-hour bus ride into Vang Vien, a magical, spectacular heaven-on-earth. The 2-hour tubing experience to enjoy the peace and scenic view of Vang Vien mountain range, the lovely morning breakfast with a morning sunshine and green mountains. It was a great time of serenity and reflection. Then another 6 hours of bus ride across the mountain into Lua Prabang. Tasted on...
Read more

Stand for Judas

By -
You know, there was once my sister told me when I tell her the story of "The Last Supper":"Yer! Why Judas Iscariot so bad one? Betray Jesus ( with a kiss )!" I did not answer her question, I did not know how. I got the answer lately, the thinking somehow struck my mind. Some people might say Judas is bad , taken over by devil. But I think he is quite a brave man actually. If he did not sell Jesus out, Jesus could not carry out His Father's plan. He was actually carrying out his mission that God gave him. And yet, after accomplishing his mission, he hung himself. Think about it, will you kill yourself after accomplishing a mission or successfully completed an important job? Well, even if I throw a knife to you and ask you to cut yourself would need huge courage ( Mrs. Ramani did this experiment before and I had seen it myself, even I would not cut myself ), prove me wrong! Not to say to praise him for selling the Son of Man out, but he deserves our little re...
Read more

Heavenly Disconnected

By -
We were all happily chit-chatting (or yelling) at grandma’s house. My second aunt suggested that we go to one of her cousin’s house to visit them but unfortunately the cousin wasn’t at home so we had to cancel it. Then I suggested to visit my youngest aunt’s house with the urge to play some mahjong. My intention was to play only, I did not intend to involve money. We drove there in 3 separate cars with me fetching my sister only. As we reached there we got everything ready, the mahjong table, chairs and of course, the mahjong. I couldn’t wait for my elder cousin to come and join me for a 3-Players Cantonese Mahjong. Just to make it fun, I (while being a Christian) suggested to involve money. This is where the problem starts. I feel pride arise. Holy Spirit was prompting me not to play with money, in fact, the mahjong at all. But I ignored it on purpose but seek selfish desire for pleasure and greed. I won around RM10 with starting fund RM13. But I also get the sense of guilt....
Read more