Mighty Morphing Binding Idols
LOL, a quick update. Just got back at my hostel. It's a start of a new semester. Full-charged, I'm ready to serve God better in USM. One month of semester break had been good to me. I've learnt much about myself, my AWESOME Jesus and what He wants to do with my life and in my life.
Coming back to the story, I might have over-written in my last post, it was *stretching my hands apart* th~is long. Long story short, during all my dreadful life I had been worshiping the counterfeit gods of power, popularity and acceptance. I wanted them so much, I did not realize I would not hesitate to cross the line in the pursuit.
And then, as I moved up to Form 5, I knew I have reached a cap in my scouting "career", my personal counterfeit gods morphed themselves into counterfeit gods of romance. In romance, I had been trying to find my significance. In fact, this idol had been in me for a long time, that I constantly look for a romance that would love me so much and fill up this empty life of mine.
I looked at Abigail and wishing she could filling this part of my life up. As perfect as she was to me, I needed her to be my God. Undeniable, she was beautiful (She still is, don't get me wrong, LOL), having her as my girlfriend would probably complete my life.
You wouldn't imagine how my world shattered when she chose Josaiya over me. I was in deep pain and I was totally lost. This is what exactly would happen if all the hope to complete your life is put on something that has a strong tendency to fail you. I lived in denial and still tries to cling on to her. She was my only hope and salvation.
Even when you have accepted Jesus Christ as your only Lord and Savior doesn't really mean you have gotten rid of idolatry. It doesn't work that way, that is evident in my story. I looked at Abigail as my salvation.
But you wouldn't notice the power of Christ until you're messed up, not until our counterfeit gods fail us, break our world apart. I'm glad Jesus found me in this mess and still willing to pick me up. I'm glad I know Jesus when my world broke apart. If He wasn't there at that moment, I would have ended up drunkard, drug addict or suicidal. Yup, I never told anyone this, I was tempted to do so.
Jesus Christ became my OTHER pursuit. Note He did not become my SOLE pursuit. In pursuit of Him, I went astray and worshiped the god of dominance once again. So how does this happen?
Until I met Uncle Jacky. I'm glad he has the kind of strong character that he's willing to go hard on me and really humbled me. I also want to thank God who gives me a heart open for such harsh chiseling in my character and my faith from Uncle Jacky. The first day meeting Uncle Jacky was probably the time when I lost all the power to defend my stand and I have no where to put my shame.
I was holding my knowledge so high, and when it all comes to meaningless, I went speechless. I thought I know everything. That one question that made me realize I am nothing but a ignorant Christian.
Uncle Jacky mentioned, unless I breakthrough this, this is as much as I can grow. I went home with the question and finally I had to give up. With a sense of defeat, I humbled and raise it up to Uncle Rodney, my most beloved fatherly mentor. With only one question, CHECKMATE.
"You don't have to win every argument," he said "The key is humility. It's okay to say 'I don't know' when you don't know. Only remember to say 'I'll come back to you.' and really does."
I realize what has gone wrong, my pride. Something I wouldn't give up.
Jesus had used many people in my life to chisel out everything that stuffs up my heart so that He may have that sole place in me. He wants to be everything of me so much and I'm glad He tries so hard.
I may not be perfect yet, but I know He should be my sole pursuit, my sole Savior, my only Lord. I shall not serve any other Master than Him. I may still hold on to things, but Jesus, if You are willing, regardless of the pain, get them out of my life.
I want to thank You for being in my life. I wouldn't have found my significance if You hadn't found me. In You who will never fail, nor cast a shifting shadow, I put my hope that it will NEVER shatter. In You I find my salvation, You are my sole pursuit. Thank You for put me out naked and shame me with Your awesome grace and mercy.
Jesus, You are AWESOME!
Coming back to the story, I might have over-written in my last post, it was *stretching my hands apart* th~is long. Long story short, during all my dreadful life I had been worshiping the counterfeit gods of power, popularity and acceptance. I wanted them so much, I did not realize I would not hesitate to cross the line in the pursuit.
And then, as I moved up to Form 5, I knew I have reached a cap in my scouting "career", my personal counterfeit gods morphed themselves into counterfeit gods of romance. In romance, I had been trying to find my significance. In fact, this idol had been in me for a long time, that I constantly look for a romance that would love me so much and fill up this empty life of mine.
I looked at Abigail and wishing she could filling this part of my life up. As perfect as she was to me, I needed her to be my God. Undeniable, she was beautiful (She still is, don't get me wrong, LOL), having her as my girlfriend would probably complete my life.
You wouldn't imagine how my world shattered when she chose Josaiya over me. I was in deep pain and I was totally lost. This is what exactly would happen if all the hope to complete your life is put on something that has a strong tendency to fail you. I lived in denial and still tries to cling on to her. She was my only hope and salvation.
Even when you have accepted Jesus Christ as your only Lord and Savior doesn't really mean you have gotten rid of idolatry. It doesn't work that way, that is evident in my story. I looked at Abigail as my salvation.
But you wouldn't notice the power of Christ until you're messed up, not until our counterfeit gods fail us, break our world apart. I'm glad Jesus found me in this mess and still willing to pick me up. I'm glad I know Jesus when my world broke apart. If He wasn't there at that moment, I would have ended up drunkard, drug addict or suicidal. Yup, I never told anyone this, I was tempted to do so.
Jesus Christ became my OTHER pursuit. Note He did not become my SOLE pursuit. In pursuit of Him, I went astray and worshiped the god of dominance once again. So how does this happen?
"The reason he wanted to be in Christian ministry [because he was attracted]...to the power of knowing he was right, that he had the truth. His power idol took a sexual form, and then a religious one. It hid itself well." Timothy Keller, Counterfeit Gods pg. 112This is one example Tim Keller gave that made it obvious to me that I'm addicted "to the power of knowing [I am] right, that [I] had the truth." And with this power I wanted to dominate over those who do not believe. Posing a "holier than thou" attitude, I offended my best friends and often got into serious argument with the intention to win the argument rather than to save their soul. I wanted to defend the only thing that's left to define me right now.
Until I met Uncle Jacky. I'm glad he has the kind of strong character that he's willing to go hard on me and really humbled me. I also want to thank God who gives me a heart open for such harsh chiseling in my character and my faith from Uncle Jacky. The first day meeting Uncle Jacky was probably the time when I lost all the power to defend my stand and I have no where to put my shame.
I was holding my knowledge so high, and when it all comes to meaningless, I went speechless. I thought I know everything. That one question that made me realize I am nothing but a ignorant Christian.
What makes you think that Christianity is right?Uncle Jacky had all the questions and statements to corner me into speechlessness. Then, I asked myself, what else do I have left to checkmate when he has all the moves to slowly take away all my pawns and castles?
Uncle Jacky mentioned, unless I breakthrough this, this is as much as I can grow. I went home with the question and finally I had to give up. With a sense of defeat, I humbled and raise it up to Uncle Rodney, my most beloved fatherly mentor. With only one question, CHECKMATE.
Why do you think Christianity is wrong then?Can you feel the awesome moment when Jesus raises you up from your defeat and soar with you on eagle's wings? I know I had made a breakthrough when Uncle Jacky told me:" Correct!"
"You don't have to win every argument," he said "The key is humility. It's okay to say 'I don't know' when you don't know. Only remember to say 'I'll come back to you.' and really does."
I realize what has gone wrong, my pride. Something I wouldn't give up.
Jesus had used many people in my life to chisel out everything that stuffs up my heart so that He may have that sole place in me. He wants to be everything of me so much and I'm glad He tries so hard.
I may not be perfect yet, but I know He should be my sole pursuit, my sole Savior, my only Lord. I shall not serve any other Master than Him. I may still hold on to things, but Jesus, if You are willing, regardless of the pain, get them out of my life.
I want to thank You for being in my life. I wouldn't have found my significance if You hadn't found me. In You who will never fail, nor cast a shifting shadow, I put my hope that it will NEVER shatter. In You I find my salvation, You are my sole pursuit. Thank You for put me out naked and shame me with Your awesome grace and mercy.
Jesus, You are AWESOME!
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