Beyond Blessed

So, busy life caught up again. They caught up for one reason and one reason only: procrastination. It's a lifelong struggle that I have to deal with for the rest of my life.

Anyway, it's 5:30AM, 6 more hours to CF Family Camp in Cameron Highland and I can't fall asleep. So I decided to write something. It always help.

There are so many things that I'm thankful for. Most of them, I believe, is purely grace, simply because I don't think I deserve them.

Internship Project

I'm so thankful that my internship project has gotten me so much attention. I had never expected that. The project was by standard simple to the point of childish, yet my employers from the United States of America seem to like it so much, I traveled back to Bose Systems Malaysia (BSM) just to present the project to them. Two days ago, I just received an invitation back to BSM to record a presentation video about the project. The video will be show in our HQ Corporate Office back in the U.S. I guess I'll be famous soon.

The project brought me to an even greater height back in School of Mechanical Engineering of Universiti Sains Malaysia. My face is featured on a banner, now standing near the elevator of the School, along with my other friends who completed the training as well. The project will now be my Final Year Project, which is eligible to be an ISI paper (which I have no idea the difference). Last week, before I set my feet back home, I received an invitation to attend a National Conference which will be held in Penang in about two weeks time. I will be presenting this project from academic point-of-view and I am required to prepare a Conference Paper for this. Academically, I will be recognized among scholars and lecturers. Lecturers in the School are giving me much attention and praise as well.

To be honest, I felt completed undeserved. I am possibly the worst student with the worst attitude for study. For no less than 20 occasions had I failed to submit my assignments on time; for no less than 10 counts of project delay; recently, for several times, failed to fulfill my promise to deliver my literature review and conference paper draft. These flaws are evident, even to many lecturers who knows me. I thank God, because despite all these, I found favor with people around me. This project may be my greatest pride, it is also my biggest shame. I felt ashamed because I should not be getting the credit, at least not as much as those who worked together with me to make this project a success. Behind this project, no less than 20 people has given their utmost effort and support to make it happen. 

Notably, Dr. Chin, who restlessly visit us during the Internship period to provide timely support and guidance; Mr. Sim and Mr. Chan from BSM Warehouse, who provided the resources and support for the entire project; Mr. Nasir, Mr. Samsul and Mr. Hadzely, who were putting all physical effort into coordinating all the physical execution of the project; Mr. Ang, who is the most helpful, humble and resourceful man, who did not withheld any knowledge and experience from me; Dr. Khairuddin, who is doing all that he can to mobilize the School's resources to aid me in this project and finally, Mr. Selman Real, a mentor and an inspiration for this project, who is always proud of me.

Relationship and Personal Reputation

My father's word: "Self-praise is no praise.", in reference to my frequent vanity. Therefore, I must thank God for the reputation I have among my friends. In the recent Campus Election, I am completely flattered by some of my friends' sincere compliment, even though I am not running for the Election myself. I have a reputation for being reasonable, just and trustworthy. I believe the truth is far from it but nonetheless, these reputations becomes something that I must live up to. I realized that I cannot live up to these reputations unless I am truly so from the inside. Therefore, I must require the transforming power of the Holy Spirit, to change me from the inside out, that I may truly live up to the reputation.

I am truly humbled and flattered.

Christian Fellowship and Service to the Lord

Perhaps the most humbling blessing is God's calling for me to be a Cell Group Leader of Patience CG. Being CGL helped me to understand my personal weakness and flaw far clearer than before. My response to my members, my emotions as I encounter failure or rejection, my maturity in handling the emotions of others, have in many ways exposed my desperate need for God.

There are occasional doubt that I cannot find reconciliation. I wish my members to respond the way I expect my efforts would reap, but they won't, simply because they are humans not machines. To these I have no answer, and God does not promise me any answer either. But God is asking me to be content in Him: to be content with serving Him as my greatest blessing, because the greatest reward is not the response of others, but the comforting praise of my God. I thank God for the opportunity to grow in intimacy with Him.

Family and Friends

I thank God for the works He has done and is doing in my family. Two Sundays ago, I am glad that my sister was so willingly wake up earlier than she usually is, and attended church with me. I thank God for His timing as well, as that Sunday's Service about Special Needs Children was relevant to her in a personal level.

I thank God for keeping my parents alive and well. Those occasional fights and laughter are good sign of their health and passion. My only prayer will still remain for them: that they may have a share of His Kingdom with me. I thank God that despite my odd position as a Christian in the family, He has given me a great chance to prove that I am still their son, who will do his best in being filial.

Catching up with friends certainly made me feel terrible for missing out so much with them in the past. Bad timings and distance certainly took a toll on our friendship. But the recent meet up and trip to Genting Highland was a great time for us to catch up with each other. Sigh, how I wish we could stay younger forever! Oh, let's not forget the late night coffee meeting right after my Genting trip!

~~~

God, this post can go on forever if my strength permits me. There's simply no way that I can thank You enough. Your love and grace for me, are putting me to my knees, because I would be the least to deserve any of these, yet You do. I am beyond blessed in Your embrace, so let the rest of my life be in constant reverence for You, because You alone, is worthy of my eternal praise and my undying worship. Thank You Lord!

Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ 

Philippians 3:8

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

God's Character, My Encounter.