The Name of My God

It's been a lazy holiday for me. I spent most of my time changing channels on my TV. Fox Channel has been advertising Marvel's latest series, "Marvel's Agents of SHIELD". It really catches my attention firstly because I really love Marvel's Avengers, and also because the way they advertise the characters. It goes like "Agent Ward - Man of Few Words".

It reminds me of Camp Cameron when our grandpa and grandma encouraged us to reflect and give a very personal name for God. I can't remember the name I gave back then, but I have a name for Him now - "God of Second Chances in My Mistakes".

It's true when I look back into my life as His son, I cannot count how much mistakes and failures I had made. I fall every time I try to stand back up; I gave into sin because of my weakness; I choose pleasure over righteousness every time. Man, I can't even control my anger and I even cursed the name of God. 

One thing I cannot get of my chest is my failure as a Mission Trip Coordinator during the last CF Mission Trip. It was a total mess when it could have been more organised and in control. My refusal to see things through the end had caused the team to bump their heads everywhere and panicked. Like all mission trips I went before, a part of me is reluctant, and I'm even more reluctant to work in a team like this.

But again, His grace is sufficient for me. I cannot count how much MORE good thing came out my failures and shortcomings, not because of what I've done, but because of what He can do. It puts me to shame every time and it makes me felt so grateful for His grace every time. Well, I needed answers because I could not forgive myself, so I asked some of those who were in the team. I was surprised by their responses. They came back with "It was really good, I've learned so much!" "I can really see God at work and His miracles" "I can see how God worked His plan in that trip."

I personally know this God, because I experienced Him and I'm still experiencing life with Him. He is a perfect God who sees the best of us and the worse of us. He knows us inside and out; He knows the numbers of our hair when we ourselves cannot be sure (Matt 10:30, Luke 12:7); He knows me and formed me when I was in my mother's womb (Ps 139:13-16); He knows what I'm going to say even before I say it (Ps 139:4), I cannot hide from Him. This God I worship knows me personally and He wants me to know Him personally.

He wants me to know what He knows that I fall short of His glory; He wants me to know that I cannot be perfect like Him by myself; He wants me to know that He knows that I'm going to fall; that I'm going to fail, and I'm going to look ugly, terrible and shameful. He wants me to know that He understands my pain and He wants me to know, that He forgives me. We often see God as a being who demands perfection, that we have to present ourselves perfect, the best of us without making ANY mistake. We have to wear our best clothes to church, to be the best student in class, to be the most law-abiding citizen, to be the best son to our parents, to be the person who offers the most to Him. But that's not the point of Christianity.

God doesn't want us to hide behind our best clothes, best achievement, best citizen and best sacrifice. God wants us to hide behind Him, like a child, crying in his dad's arm when he falls. He's not the God who demands us to meet religious requirements. Truth is, all requirements are fulfilled in Christ Jesus, the Holy Lamb of God, the only one who can satisfy His requirement.

In His arm, He would say "You will fall, you will fail, but don't be afraid to make mistakes, I will make things right. Just do your best, I will hold your hands and get you through. Follow my lead."

As a Chinese, I'm raised and taught that mistakes cannot be tolerated. We have to present ourselves perfect and smart in every way. As man, we cannot cry even when we fall. We cannot question our superior nor can we question things that make us look stupid. Good, is not good enough, you must be the best among everyone else. But God sees me unique, He sees the best in me and plans the best for me. He says it's okay to make mistake, there's enough grace to try to do it right again, there will be more second chance to make things right again. Even if I cannot make things right again, there is nothing He cannot do to make it right again.

During this time of hardship in the issue of "Allah" as the name for God, I take comfort that I know my God not by what I call Him, but what I experienced with Him. I take comfort because I know my God personally. They can take away my right to call my God by His Name, but they can never take this God, so personal to me, that He's nearer to me than myself. Yahweh - God of Second Chances in My Mistakes.

What's your name for God?