Desperate Prayers

It's true when people say that we don't pray until we are in trouble. For a long time I had not prayed as frequent as I have for these few days, in the same way I would not think that my grandfather as important as he is until the moment I realise I might lose him for eternity.

It's strange about this grandfather of mine. He's been what the Chinese would call him - the medicine bottle, a reference to people who are constantly in various kind of sickness. In fact, he's sick so often that he somehow became an amateur body examiner of my family. He stays home most of the time and had been forbidden from going out on a motorbike ever since the last accident he had. Our family seldom pay attention to him, I have no more than 10 words with him in every 5 meetings with him. Recently, I'm not even sure if I felt his presence at home when I was back in KL. The point is, he is often the neglected person, until 3 days ago.

The Sunday morning before I was leaving back to campus, I was pretty surprised to see my mother getting herself ready before I was awake. It's her off-day and she would not bother to wake me up for church. Before she left the house, she told me to take my dad's van instead because she's sending my ailing grandfather to the clinic with my aunt. Again, I was not any more surprised than the fact that I'm gonna drive a huge van alone to church. I attended both Cantonese and English service and spent 5 hours at church. When I reached home, I was calmly informed that my grandfather is merely having high fever and was advised to consult his doctor in UKM directly in the future. My mother also visited my uncle who is now recovering from a recent bypass surgery. I kinda paid more attention to my uncle because his situation is more severe.

Everything was fine, including my bus ride back to campus. I called my mother to inform my safe arrival at Parit Buntar Bus Stop, only to find that my mother is in the hospital with my passed-out grandfather and worried family members. I had a bad feeling about this but I know there's nothing I can do besides remaining calm and comforting my mother. My heart was whispering, "Hey dude, you should probably start praying now." but I was instead "Nah, it's not gonna get any worse." Well, I did not meant for it to be a challenge to the devil.

I don't live a life with a need to reach for my phone checking emails and notifications first thing in the morning. So I took my time to get myself ready for the morning before I read the message from my mother while I was asleep, "R u free?" You often know you have time management problem when your mother needs to ask permission to call you, but that's not the bigger problem. I smelled trouble. I called my mother immediately, knowing that she would be free at 8:30am in the morning. What I hear from the other side of my handphone, I did not know how to react to. My grandfather tried to get up from his bed about 5am, slipped and fell from his bed, head first. That fall put him into a coma with a huge patch of blood clot in his head. While we were talking, my grandfather was in the operation room, removing the blood clot from his head. We had to take the chance, though he might not come out of the room alive, he was doomed for certain if the operation is not done.

My hands clasped and I prayed. Funny, because you have not prayed properly for so long, you lose track of how to pray properly. My mind was all over the place, my words were distracted, and I was panicked. Nevertheless, I finally sat down and prayed.

I thank God for the faith He put in me, His Words that dwell in my heart. Knowing His promises and His grace, I can fully entrust my grandfather to Him. Of course, I was worried (I am still), but I should not feel crippled by it, because I know this God and I know His ways. I completely trust Him. So I asked for a chance or a revelation, that my grandfather may hear the gospel and choose eternal life for himself. Life and death is not my control, it's His to take, but I merely ask for a chance, and if it has to, I will be the mouthpiece that brings the good news.

I never knew my grandfather means that much to me. As I reflect I failed as a grandson, while for him, I'm always the grandson he's proud of. I should be loving him as he ought to be, but instead... There are so many occasions that I could have present him the gospel, but my fear stopped me. There are so many occasion that I could love him, but my pride forbids me. And the worst of all, I often ignore him. There's so much regret, I know, I can't make this regret a lifelong one. I know there's a reason he's alive right now. I thank God that his body temperature dropped to 37 degree though he's still in coma. I know I am given a chance, I can't let that slipped away.

God, would You sustained him until I get home? Let me be greedy to ask of You to bring him out of this coma and celebrate a few more healthy years of life with us. Would You empower me to show him Your everlasting love? Would You reveal Your love and salvation to him any way You intend to? Would You give me peace and joy in my heart, that I will trust You and cling on to You, whatever may happen? God, help me to rejoice in circumstances like this. Help my family to stay strong, and let Your glory be seen by my family. In Jesus' healing name I pray, Amen.

Philippians 4:4-7 (ESV)  

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Yes, the Lord is at hand.