The Desire For Good
The boat ride into the Orang Asli settlement was a lengthy one. A small stretch of dark cloud over our head, covering us from the scorching heat of the mighty Sun, a little relief that we are thankful for. I had no idea what awaits me. I would never have expect what I will encounter in there would change the way I love people forever.
These people aren't poor if you would ask me. They are very much different from some beggars that loiter the streets of Kuala Lumpur. It's not like they are unwilling to work, they toil and work as hard. However, if you would stand where they live, you would soon realised, these people, they are trapped. It's vast water around their home, and they are stuck here on this island far away from hope.
The island that they live on, was not an island but earlier definition, but the construction of the Temenggor Dam flooded the whole area, forming the second largest lake in Peninsula Malaysia, after the Kenyir Lake. (May refer to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Temenggor_Lake). The place where they live now, were probably a hill their ancestors once looked up to. The water separates them from civilization, surrounding them. And now their lives depends on resources that is left for them on the islands. I am very amazed that with such limited resources, they still made it through generations and generations. The question is, how long will that last? Resources on the island will run out someday.
Oh, did I mention the limited resources there, are shared? Well, big-corporate loggers are there to scrap these precious treasures from them. Imagine this actual situation, a logger eyed on a tree near the settlement. By default the tree belongs to the Orang Asli, so the logger came to the Penghulu (leader of the Orang Asli tribe) and promise to pay them handsomely for the tree. Taking advantage of their ignorance, the logger would chop down the tree and then vanishes into thin air, while the Penghulu watch the empty spot with two empty hands.
The boat trip in and out of Pulau Banding costed us RM230. I wasn't surprised, because while I was in the island, I broke down completely into tears because of the oppression that they are suffering that does not come directly from physical works of evil man. Rising fuel price, monopoly of boat service by boat owners made it hard for the Orang Asli to get to civilization to earn a living. Can you imagine make RM500 per month, half of them will not feed the hungry kids at home but into the burning engine of the motorboat? While I was talking to Pastor Loh about this, a few kids in the family were waiting for their father to bring home some money just so they may have the boat ride out of the island for education.
It broke my heart, completely. And it turned into a burning anger I took days to extinguish it. I was angry because I don't see a way how they can break out of their current situation. I was angrier at myself for the life I've been living in KL, that luxurious life, was indirectly robbing the Orang Asli that I was trying to save. All I knew was wanting more, more and more while all that they have are getting less, less and less. I was furious, because while the corrupted government and deceitful Muslims are working at their best to fool these Orang Asli, our church are not able to see these sufferings.
My heart called out for help, and so did my fingers on keyboards. I wanted to do something for them. Something that would change the life they are living now. I need money, I need fund to do so. I was angry and I wanted to wake the Christians who are probably more ignorant than these Orang Asli. I was so angry that I wanted to shake the Christians out of our stupidity and to shove ourselves off the choke of our materialistic life. So, words came out of a overflowing heart, I wrote some really harsh words to call for help on Facebook. Minutes later, I became so furious. My most beloved mentor, Uncle Rodney wrote something that I felt challenged and betrayed. I was thinking to myself: He is my mentor, one that I trust most, why would he said such non-supportive comments rather than encouraging me to do so? And I admit, my reply was really harsh and disrespectful.
My heart desire for good. Truly, I sincerely want to do something for the Orang Asli people. I think I would do the right thing. I mean, providing them materialistic aids and basic needs, can't be something wrong to do right? Well, it fulfills their needs and will bring them to Christ.
I guess I finally understand, what it truly means by Romans 7:18b which says "...For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out." How could I, by my own wisdom would know that the aid I provide, would turn into dependency in a long run? That I would raise a lazy generation that would slowly consume and cause them to stumble?
Why God? Why would something that I will for good, would also turn into something wrong? Why do I desire good, would still be sin when I carry them out? The answer is simple: "For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh..." (Romans 7:18a) There is nothing good in me, even when my spirit desire something good, my flesh would do what I do not want to do (Romans 7:15b).
I talked about it with my host family days later, when I finally calmed down and anger faded over the days. They made sense with me and helped me to see the probable consequences of the "something good" that I wanted to do. I finally see what Uncle Rodney intended for me was a gentle reminder and an effort to help me see, but I did not see, blinded by anger that rises from love. I regretted that I said those words to someone whom I love dearly and loves me as much. Without hesitation, I apologized.
It took me a year trying to figure out Romans 7:18, yet a life-changing witness to the pain and suffering oblivious to me gave me a first-hand experience of the verse.
Brothers and sisters, nothing good dwells in us, but remember, God is so powerful, He can bring good out of our foolishness. Through the work of His Son on the Cross, everything good will flow out of His redeeming blood shed on Calvary. Therefore, trust not the works of our own hands, but the will of our Father in Heaven and obey Him. For after all the struggles, Paul praised God:"Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin." (Romans 7:24-25)
These people aren't poor if you would ask me. They are very much different from some beggars that loiter the streets of Kuala Lumpur. It's not like they are unwilling to work, they toil and work as hard. However, if you would stand where they live, you would soon realised, these people, they are trapped. It's vast water around their home, and they are stuck here on this island far away from hope.
The island that they live on, was not an island but earlier definition, but the construction of the Temenggor Dam flooded the whole area, forming the second largest lake in Peninsula Malaysia, after the Kenyir Lake. (May refer to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Temenggor_Lake). The place where they live now, were probably a hill their ancestors once looked up to. The water separates them from civilization, surrounding them. And now their lives depends on resources that is left for them on the islands. I am very amazed that with such limited resources, they still made it through generations and generations. The question is, how long will that last? Resources on the island will run out someday.
Oh, did I mention the limited resources there, are shared? Well, big-corporate loggers are there to scrap these precious treasures from them. Imagine this actual situation, a logger eyed on a tree near the settlement. By default the tree belongs to the Orang Asli, so the logger came to the Penghulu (leader of the Orang Asli tribe) and promise to pay them handsomely for the tree. Taking advantage of their ignorance, the logger would chop down the tree and then vanishes into thin air, while the Penghulu watch the empty spot with two empty hands.
The boat trip in and out of Pulau Banding costed us RM230. I wasn't surprised, because while I was in the island, I broke down completely into tears because of the oppression that they are suffering that does not come directly from physical works of evil man. Rising fuel price, monopoly of boat service by boat owners made it hard for the Orang Asli to get to civilization to earn a living. Can you imagine make RM500 per month, half of them will not feed the hungry kids at home but into the burning engine of the motorboat? While I was talking to Pastor Loh about this, a few kids in the family were waiting for their father to bring home some money just so they may have the boat ride out of the island for education.
It broke my heart, completely. And it turned into a burning anger I took days to extinguish it. I was angry because I don't see a way how they can break out of their current situation. I was angrier at myself for the life I've been living in KL, that luxurious life, was indirectly robbing the Orang Asli that I was trying to save. All I knew was wanting more, more and more while all that they have are getting less, less and less. I was furious, because while the corrupted government and deceitful Muslims are working at their best to fool these Orang Asli, our church are not able to see these sufferings.
My heart called out for help, and so did my fingers on keyboards. I wanted to do something for them. Something that would change the life they are living now. I need money, I need fund to do so. I was angry and I wanted to wake the Christians who are probably more ignorant than these Orang Asli. I was so angry that I wanted to shake the Christians out of our stupidity and to shove ourselves off the choke of our materialistic life. So, words came out of a overflowing heart, I wrote some really harsh words to call for help on Facebook. Minutes later, I became so furious. My most beloved mentor, Uncle Rodney wrote something that I felt challenged and betrayed. I was thinking to myself: He is my mentor, one that I trust most, why would he said such non-supportive comments rather than encouraging me to do so? And I admit, my reply was really harsh and disrespectful.
My heart desire for good. Truly, I sincerely want to do something for the Orang Asli people. I think I would do the right thing. I mean, providing them materialistic aids and basic needs, can't be something wrong to do right? Well, it fulfills their needs and will bring them to Christ.
I guess I finally understand, what it truly means by Romans 7:18b which says "...For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out." How could I, by my own wisdom would know that the aid I provide, would turn into dependency in a long run? That I would raise a lazy generation that would slowly consume and cause them to stumble?
Why God? Why would something that I will for good, would also turn into something wrong? Why do I desire good, would still be sin when I carry them out? The answer is simple: "For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh..." (Romans 7:18a) There is nothing good in me, even when my spirit desire something good, my flesh would do what I do not want to do (Romans 7:15b).
I talked about it with my host family days later, when I finally calmed down and anger faded over the days. They made sense with me and helped me to see the probable consequences of the "something good" that I wanted to do. I finally see what Uncle Rodney intended for me was a gentle reminder and an effort to help me see, but I did not see, blinded by anger that rises from love. I regretted that I said those words to someone whom I love dearly and loves me as much. Without hesitation, I apologized.
It took me a year trying to figure out Romans 7:18, yet a life-changing witness to the pain and suffering oblivious to me gave me a first-hand experience of the verse.
Brothers and sisters, nothing good dwells in us, but remember, God is so powerful, He can bring good out of our foolishness. Through the work of His Son on the Cross, everything good will flow out of His redeeming blood shed on Calvary. Therefore, trust not the works of our own hands, but the will of our Father in Heaven and obey Him. For after all the struggles, Paul praised God:"Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin." (Romans 7:24-25)
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