Heavenly Disconnected

We were all happily chit-chatting (or yelling) at grandma’s house. My second aunt suggested that we go to one of her cousin’s house to visit them but unfortunately the cousin wasn’t at home so we had to cancel it.

Then I suggested to visit my youngest aunt’s house with the urge to play some mahjong. My intention was to play only, I did not intend to involve money.

We drove there in 3 separate cars with me fetching my sister only. As we reached there we got everything ready, the mahjong table, chairs and of course, the mahjong. I couldn’t wait for my elder cousin to come and join me for a 3-Players Cantonese Mahjong.

Just to make it fun, I (while being a Christian) suggested to involve money. This is where the problem starts.

I feel pride arise. Holy Spirit was prompting me not to play with money, in fact, the mahjong at all. But I ignored it on purpose but seek selfish desire for pleasure and greed.

I won around RM10 with starting fund RM13. But I also get the sense of guilt. I could feel Satan’s at work, this sense of guilt. I couldn’t stand it and tried to pray, but no words came out of my mind.

Perhaps this big little sin shut me off from God, temporarily. Now I greatly felt the consequences of sin. I couldn’t do my night prayer well, no words came out from my praying mouth, I have no idea what to pray. It’s like I’m disconnected from God. I felt emptiness and despair.

I knew what I need is confession and forgiveness. I confessed my sins for gambling and I pleaded for forgiveness. Perhaps it’s the best way. The first thing I knew (by faith) my sense of guilt is removed, Satan has no longer control over me. The next thing I knew, I’m relieved of my burdens.

You know what, I’m grateful that I went through this, otherwise I won’t know what sin can do to my life. Not that involving in sin is good, do not even try it. But give thanks to God if you happened to go through one like this. Confession of sin and forgiveness is important, seek them and you shall seek God.

1 Corinthians 10:23
[ The Believer's Freedom ] "Everything is permissible"—but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible"—but not everything is constructive.