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That Sea Raging in Me

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Even as I'm writing this, I am so tempted to pretend everything is alright going on in me. As this may be read by people, a great part of me wants to pretend that everything is going alright. But if I am to be real, I need to stop pretending that I am okay with all that comes crashing on me. I think I've been told so many times that I should keep my anger and pride in check, I begin to believe that I have no right to feel angry. I must put up the kind, compassionate, gentle side of me even when within me, my anger rages. I'm supposed to swallow all the "unloading" people give me. Why does it feel like I am constantly the one who is at fault: that I'm not gentle enough, not respectful enough, not humble enough, not wise enough, not compassionate enough? That I must be gentle, be wise, be respectful, even when I am accused, wronged and misunderstood? Why? Do I have no right to express the first emotion that comes to me? Do I have no right to be hap

3-Minute Preacher - Pilot

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Get Out of God's Way

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A preacher was given two village church to shepherd and to grow. He's given a place to stay near village A and frequently minister to the church. Because of the distance he has to travel to village B, he could only visit and minister to village B twice a month. Years later, he realized that village church B grew bigger and healthier than village church A. This is strange because the preacher spent more time ministering to village church A. Finally, he realized, because he spent less time ministering to village church B, he spent more time praying for them; and because he was always there in village A, he prayed less for them! When Pastor Mark Mah shared this illustration during his sermon today, it struck a chord with me. Maybe the church is not growing because I spent more time planning than praying. Maybe the church is not growing because I spent more time doing than waiting for God to work in us. Even at this moment, I feel like my whole world falling into pieces. In all m

Too Much on My Plate

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New Job Starter Kit So, I've got a new job! 6 months after my last and most read post. It pays better and reset my working pace again. A lot to learn on the job. Same title, but a much broader job scope. Liking the challenge though. Well, one nice thing I really like about my new job is that super good lunch I get. For a fix amount of RM3, I get a buffet lunch: bottomless rice, dishes, vegetables, chicken and fish. My plate is always full, sometimes too much. Too Much On My Plate I was on the phone with mom, updating her on some of my taxation matter. I made some mistake and was fined for it. I had been careless in my income declaration. Mom went on to comment on my lack of focus because I was having too much going on my schedule. I got a little impatient and asked to end the conversation. I didn't like the nag I was getting from her. I refuse to believe that I am too busy. Too Much To Do, Too Little Time I'm 27 this year, 2.75 years more to hit my 30-

If I Had Walked Away

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Reflecting my past two and a half years in Li Xin Baptist Church, I can't help but wonder what would happened if I had walked away. It was an easy choice to make, LXBC was at her low point: members leaving the church, some considering to leave, worship team was in a mess, the spirit of worship was nowhere to be found, suspicion among members. I was new in town and working across the bridge. It would have been much easier if I had chosen to attend a church nearer to where I stay and easier for me to practice my faith. Pastor Matthew and Ai Hua at my graduation Yet I stayed. In hindsight, I don't think I made that choice on my own. God placed me here and I somehow had the heart and courage to say: this is where I will stay. While I'm glad I did, but it would have saved me from so much trouble and discomfort. My First Mission to Thailand with LXBC But if I had walked away, I think... 1. I would have missed the opportunity to allow God to mold me in my charact

November? No, Remember! Part 4

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Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 5. Project Kwam Wang - Sabaidee, Laos! I don't think I can ever say this enough: Laos is an unforgettable nation, mainly because of the unforgettable journey that God had taken me through. The initial idea was to paint a school building in Vientiane, but imagine our shock when the team saw a building with 2-walled rooms. Instead of complaining, the team quickly came together to lay bricks and cement. 5 days later, we have classrooms with 4 walls and whole school of happy children. The highlight of the trip came later. To catch our flight in Lua Prabang, we took a 6-hour bus ride into Vang Vien, a magical, spectacular heaven-on-earth. The 2-hour tubing experience to enjoy the peace and scenic view of Vang Vien mountain range, the lovely morning breakfast with a morning sunshine and green mountains. It was a great time of serenity and reflection. Then another 6 hours of bus ride across the mountain into Lua Prabang. Tasted on