Get Out of God's Way

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A preacher was given two village church to shepherd and to grow. He's given a place to stay near village A and frequently minister to the church. Because of the distance he has to travel to village B, he could only visit and minister to village B twice a month. Years later, he realized that village church B grew bigger and healthier than village church A. This is strange because the preacher spent more time ministering to village church A. Finally, he realized, because he spent less time ministering to village church B, he spent more time praying for them; and because he was always there in village A, he prayed less for them!

When Pastor Mark Mah shared this illustration during his sermon today, it struck a chord with me. Maybe the church is not growing because I spent more time planning than praying. Maybe the church is not growing because I spent more time doing than waiting for God to work in us. Even at this moment, I feel like my whole world falling into pieces. In all my time and effort spent trying to hold the English Congregation together and to grow it, it is falling apart. The leaders are tired and disillusioned. Ministries are stagnant. I can't help but feel like a failure.

At the same time, I'm feeling inexplicably lonely. My relationships are in crisis and yet I find so little strength and motivation in me to upkeep them. My body is failing too: pains and illnesses from my unhealthy lifestyle and staying up late.
Even with all these, I continued to push on, because I do this with a calling and a sense of responsibility. I do this because I love Him and want to see His Name be lifted up. But maybe it's not "pushing on" that God requires of me, but the "praying unceasingly" that is demanded of me.

And it's true. I spent more time planning and pondering action plans than seeking God in prayer. A part of me that refuses to give up, refuses to seek God to fight this battle for me. I refuse to recognize that I, alone, is weak and I am nothing apart from God.

But what if the church is better off without "ME" in the equation? What if God's work requires me to get out of God's way? What if there is no "what if", but the reality is that I am hindering the work of God in Li Xin Baptist Church?

In my alone time with God just two weeks ago, God reminded me of my relationship with Him: I am His servant, He is my Master. A servant does what the Master tells. If the servant runs ahead to do what the Master did not command, wouldn't the servant run into trouble with the Master? Is the servant trying to outsmart the Master and to assume the Master's role? How dare!

I've been running ahead of God, without trying to understand what He really wants to do for LXBC. I just want to do what I want for LXBC. Slow down and listen.

So here I am once again: in the process of readjusting my life pace, rejuvenating my health and restoring my strength. I need a constant reminder that there is a greater power in waiting for the Lord. The reward is always greater for those who trust Him and wait for Him: be it in my relationships, my family, my career and my service unto Him.

Wait patiently.


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