Too Much on My Plate

New Job Starter Kit

So, I've got a new job! 6 months after my last and most read post. It pays better and reset my working pace again. A lot to learn on the job. Same title, but a much broader job scope. Liking the challenge though.

Well, one nice thing I really like about my new job is that super good lunch I get. For a fix amount of RM3, I get a buffet lunch: bottomless rice, dishes, vegetables, chicken and fish. My plate is always full, sometimes too much.

Too Much On My Plate

I was on the phone with mom, updating her on some of my taxation matter. I made some mistake and was fined for it. I had been careless in my income declaration. Mom went on to comment on my lack of focus because I was having too much going on my schedule. I got a little impatient and asked to end the conversation. I didn't like the nag I was getting from her. I refuse to believe that I am too busy.

Too Much To Do, Too Little Time

I'm 27 this year, 2.75 years more to hit my 30-year-old mark. I'm already feeling that I am no longer as physically capable as I used to be, but yet there's so much left to do. I constantly feel my youth and time is running out and I have yet to make the best of it yet.

That one thing I care the most is Li Xin Baptist Church. I'd give 110% of my youth and energy to see it grow. At this point, I can do so much more, simply because I am young, single and without commitment. But this time is running out. I must give my all, do even more.

The others are struggling to juggle between their lives and church, if I'm able, mustn't I come in to relieve and serve my brothers and sisters?

~~~

I'm in Youth Ministry, committing most of my Saturday evening for it. More than 2 years ago, I wrote about committing myself into Youth Ministry. I'm still at it. And it has indeed, been an amazing 2 years. Seeing the Youth grow mature and courageous in faith gave me tremendous joy. 

Youth Outing to Gopeng - 1 Sept 2018

Gua Tempurung Adventure - 31 Aug 2018

Youth's amazing performance during LXBC 25th Anniversary - 19 Aug 2018

But it does take effort to remain faithful. It is painful to sacrifice a Saturday evening, and it's getting harder.

~~~

I'm the Worship Leader. If I am only allowed to choose one ministry to remain in, it has to be Worship Leading. It gives me the greatest joy and it keeps me in the Spirit. Worship in music rejuvenates my spirit, so that I can take even more weathering and tiring ministries. No matter how hard, worship brings me back.

Worship Leading during LXBC 25th Anniversary - 19 Aug 2018

Plus, there's simply no way I can actually step down from it. With people around me feeling the exhaustion even in worship leading, if I shall not stay, who remains? It is indeed my desire to have more people in the team, but with so many other areas demanding people to serve, who else is willing to step up? Or am I the boulder that's standing in the way of others? Is there a way for me to know?

~~~

I am the Preacher. I actually think that I'm putting less hour into preparing all my sermons than I should. I think fast, process fast and write fast. But nonetheless, it takes painstaking amount of time, energy and spirituality. Sometimes it means putting in twice the hours because the first draft was rubbish. Sometimes it means squeezing out even if I am not emotionally available for it.

Preaching on James 2 - 17 Jun 2018

~~~

I'm the English Congregation Coordinator. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love this role. I am loving every moment of this role the Lord has called me into. And I absolutely love the leaders who are with me on leading the English Congregation to grow. They love the Lord so absolutely and often do a lot more than I can ever do on my own simply because they love the people that God loves. They are in many ways far better Christians than I do, but so humble to follow my lead and to point  me my errors.

Quarterly Leader's Review and Celebration - Apr 2018

Escape to Langkawi - May 2018

But it is not without pain. It pains me to see my beloved leaders struggling to live up to the tasks they are not trained for. It pains me to see them struggling to make a living, build a family and still find precious hours to serve in LXBC. It pains me to see them serving so many roles in church and still reap no harvest nor reward.

Perhaps it pains me the most, after 2 years of hard work, the congregation seems to get nowhere. Our number remains practically static. I'm in this delusion that I am very busy, but that's it. I'm just busy, spending my precious time doing things that bear no fruit. And sometimes, I have to make hard decisions, and sometimes, I get challenged.

I tired of trying to comfort myself by saying that the members grew spiritually. Maybe the truth is I'm not leading the team in the direction that is effective and beneficial to them. All they receive as their rewards are weariness and disappointment.

I love and care about them, but have I done my absolute best for them?

~~~

I am technically everywhere in church. VBS Teacher, Interpreter, Missionary, Bible Study Teacher, Vice Chairman, and practically, a pastor.

VBS 2018 Galactic Starveyor - Jun 2018

LXBC 25th Anniversary - 19 Aug 2018

Cell Group in my new nest - Sept 2018

While I'm still young and free, I want to spend my energy inspiring people to do their utmost excellence for God. But it is at the same time disappointing to realise that I am not much an influencer. I'm a task master who often drive people crazy and weary.

~~~

Too Much Ambition, Too Little Faith

My mom is right: I'm blindly busy. I can't help anyone when I'm too blinded trying to harvest the wind.

I wish there's someone who would see what I see for LXBC. 

I see English Congregation growing independent of the LXBC Mandarin Congregation and double in size. It has been my desire since the beginning of my term but it was not the direction the leaders wanted. Today, I see the English Congregation financially capable of standing on her own feet, contributing sizable income to LXBC, but yet we are keep accountable for every penny we invest into building the congregation.

I love LXBC as a whole nontheless. I care deeply for their growth, but we are being held back by obligations and emotions. 

Petsy's Baptism - Apr 2018

I see a great vision for the Mandarin Congregation as well.

I see them growing independent of the English Congregation. I see them energetic in their service and worship. I see the elders rising up to shepherd to the younger. I see courageous men and women of faith going out to bring sheep into the pent. I see wonderful men and women of God giving their utmost excellence to God.

So much ambition, but o me of little faith. Have I not trusted God in bringing this vision to fruition?

~~~

This is not a brag, though this sounds like a rant, but it is a message for myself. It is a reminder for me to be "less of me, more of Him" (John 3:30).

I will relentlessly, and faithfully serve Him and His people even when it is hard. There's just no way I will quit. But it is not by my strength, it is by His grace.

So, for me to relentlessly serve Him, it means putting down myself and my desire to be a hero at everything, letting something go and focus on Him alone.

For the coming weeks, this is a reminder for me to pray. To seek God so that I may know: what to let go, and what to remain. This is a reminder for me to courageously say: Sorry, I've fail. I tried to be strong on my own, but I cannot.

But where men fail, God succeeds.