Not Enough

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It's 8pm now and I'm still in office, writing this. I let March passed by without a post, I'm not gonna let April through easily, haha!

It's been exactly 6 months and 20 days into my working life now. Much has changed, something remained. And that one thing that remained, is my constant worry for money. It is bad. It is manifesting in my daily complaints and mumbling. So much so that Pastor Matthew was reminding me not to do that. It was a wake-up call.

Despite that constant self-reminder to remember that the Lord provides, it is my weakness and human nature to continue to worry about money. The struggle is real. It's like no matter how hard I budget, how hard I try to have self-control, it just doesn't work. The numbers never add-up. Every month, something has to pop-up and mess up my entire budget. It's also been 2 months that I have not pay my PTPTN loan.

Let's just admit it: I am not as "spiritually strong" as I thought I am. Funny, me and my bloated self-perception.

But nonetheless, I always pull it through somehow.

So then again, a note to self:
Remember this Joash: The LORD did not promise a life without trouble. The life of a Christian can be actually harder. But He did promise to never forsake us. So when you find yourself in anxiety because of money, remember that this is exactly the moment God is asking you to trust Him.

Yes, Lord, help to trust You at times like these. Help my unbelief.
God's Character, My Encounter.

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