My Hunger for God

By -
The question: Why doesn't the Christian students desire God? This has been the lingering question that I always talked about. But recent reflection had yielded an answer: Because I don't desire Him as well.

I always thought about things that I can do to bring about this deep desire for God among the CF members. What had been missing is my persistent fast and prayer. The truth is, I did not desire to see God move in ways I cannot myself. I pray very little, work a lot and desire to see a lot. To sum things up, I don't love CF and the members enough to fast for them. I was not willing to give up all that I have for CF. I was not willing to give up my food.

But a gentle reminder from my Catholic CG member that fast and pray must come hand in hand. While the lack of fruit in our ministry may be a way God is asking us to be content in Him, it could also be a way that God is asking us to repent, fast and pray. The reason why we do not see fruit in our ministry could be that we have not allowed God to take over.

So, I fasted, and the journey of fasting and persistent prayer had been a wonderful one for me.

Fasting helped me to rely on God. If you'd ask me, I would say being denied of food could be the most frustrating thing that can happen to me. I realised that food had been my personal way of rewarding and satisfying myself after much work. Eating is a pleasurable activity that had been keeping my anger and frustration at bay. When I was fasting, these anger and frustration had no where else to go to. I had to turn to God. God became my comfort and my refuge. When the alarm of hunger strikes, that awful feeling drove me to run to God. In my weakness, I had to turn to Him who is able! During my fast, my physical hunger became my spiritual hunger for God.

Fasting helped me to develop persistent prayer. Hunger became a biological alarm for me. I have mentally set my hunger to be a trigger for prayer. I fasted for a reason: that CF will experience a revival, that the members will desire God and His Word, that they will know Him and trust Him. Hunger strikes at anytime. The rumbling in my belly was torturous, but it was also my reminder to immediately go into prayer, at anytime, anywhere. I would repeat my prayer, as often as my hunger prompts me. My prayer life became more consistent and frequent.

Fasting helped me to identify my other bondages and addictions. When denied of the pleasure of eating, I craved for something else. I found myself distracting myself with many other things other than reading His Word and praying. These addictions became my distracting for a hunger that is denied. It exposed my inner most worldly desire, which will help me to overcome them one by one.

Fasting helped me to live moderately. One of the most immediate effect of fasting was that I saved quite a bit of money from the skipped meals. Fasting also allowed my body to readjust and realign my biological processes. My overly-stretch stomach became smaller. I experienced several occasions of over-estimating my hunger. My normal portion became too much for me. I had to size down my meal portion.

Fasting helped me to be grateful for all the things I have. I started to take notice of things that I've been taking it for granted. I began to take notice of the food I have on my table. My parents put it on my table and my God provided. In my hunger, food became precious and the sight of food makes me feel grateful for the fact that I lasted through the day and finally a desire satisfied. I enjoy my only meal of the day even more. I spent longer time to thank God for my food than usual. I never noticed that the fact that I have food is the biggest blessing that God provides for me everyday. I began to thank God for my campus, for CF, for lecturers, for the free internet and for all the thing that I get to enjoy without actually saying thanks.

Fasting helped me to desire the heavenly things. In my hunger I desire to be fulfilled. I desire to be filled in ways that I will never hunger nor thirst again. Fasting helped me to desire Jesus Christ to come sooner. Fasting helped me to desire the far better things that Jesus Christ has to offer. Fasting help me to desire Jesus' living water. Fasting helped me to desire my eternal life with Him all the more!

In short, fasting is far more than a religious thing to do. It is a deliberate denial of the worldly things that had been keeping us stuffed, so that we can experience a deeper spiritual desire for Him. It is my way to express my deeper hunger to see God moves. It is my way to ask God to bring forth His nation-changing power to do what my hands could not. It is my way to telling Jesus: Come, Lord Jesus! (Revelation 22:20)

God's Character, My Encounter.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

November? No, Remember! Part 4

By -
Image
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 5. Project Kwam Wang - Sabaidee, Laos! I don't think I can ever say this enough: Laos is an unforgettable nation, mainly because of the unforgettable journey that God had taken me through. The initial idea was to paint a school building in Vientiane, but imagine our shock when the team saw a building with 2-walled rooms. Instead of complaining, the team quickly came together to lay bricks and cement. 5 days later, we have classrooms with 4 walls and whole school of happy children. The highlight of the trip came later. To catch our flight in Lua Prabang, we took a 6-hour bus ride into Vang Vien, a magical, spectacular heaven-on-earth. The 2-hour tubing experience to enjoy the peace and scenic view of Vang Vien mountain range, the lovely morning breakfast with a morning sunshine and green mountains. It was a great time of serenity and reflection. Then another 6 hours of bus ride across the mountain into Lua Prabang. Tasted on
Read more

Stand for Judas

By -
You know, there was once my sister told me when I tell her the story of "The Last Supper":"Yer! Why Judas Iscariot so bad one? Betray Jesus ( with a kiss )!" I did not answer her question, I did not know how. I got the answer lately, the thinking somehow struck my mind. Some people might say Judas is bad , taken over by devil. But I think he is quite a brave man actually. If he did not sell Jesus out, Jesus could not carry out His Father's plan. He was actually carrying out his mission that God gave him. And yet, after accomplishing his mission, he hung himself. Think about it, will you kill yourself after accomplishing a mission or successfully completed an important job? Well, even if I throw a knife to you and ask you to cut yourself would need huge courage ( Mrs. Ramani did this experiment before and I had seen it myself, even I would not cut myself ), prove me wrong! Not to say to praise him for selling the Son of Man out, but he deserves our little re
Read more

Heavenly Disconnected

By -
We were all happily chit-chatting (or yelling) at grandma’s house. My second aunt suggested that we go to one of her cousin’s house to visit them but unfortunately the cousin wasn’t at home so we had to cancel it. Then I suggested to visit my youngest aunt’s house with the urge to play some mahjong. My intention was to play only, I did not intend to involve money. We drove there in 3 separate cars with me fetching my sister only. As we reached there we got everything ready, the mahjong table, chairs and of course, the mahjong. I couldn’t wait for my elder cousin to come and join me for a 3-Players Cantonese Mahjong. Just to make it fun, I (while being a Christian) suggested to involve money. This is where the problem starts. I feel pride arise. Holy Spirit was prompting me not to play with money, in fact, the mahjong at all. But I ignored it on purpose but seek selfish desire for pleasure and greed. I won around RM10 with starting fund RM13. But I also get the sense of guilt.
Read more