City Walls in Ruins

The words of Nehemiah the son of Hacaliah. 

Now it happened in the month of Chislev, in the twentieth year, as I was in Susa the citadel, that Hanani, one of my brothers, came with certain men from Judah. And I asked them concerning the Jews who escaped, who had survived the exile, and concerning Jerusalem. And they said to me, “The remnant there in the province who had survived the exile is in great trouble and shame. The wall of Jerusalem is broken down, and its gates are destroyed by fire.” 

Nehemiah 1:1-3

Today, even as I read this word, I felt a great sadness in my heart. The Jews came back from exile, after spending years living in a land not their own, living a life of humiliation and disgrace. Finally it was the promised time for them to return home, and yet they still find themselves disgraced that their home nation is in ruin.

Ancient nations aren't identified by black-and-white like nation in modern days do. They are often defined by city walls that marks their territory and sovereignty. Without a city wall, the Jews are without a nation: homeless and helpless. The ruined city wall served as a remembrance of their defeat at the hands of their enemy, who is now their master. The Jews lost their proud identity. They are God's chosen people, yet they are "in great trouble and shame".

I came to realise that I see this picture in CF. I see how defeated we are as Christians in this campus. We had somehow forsaken the worship of the Lord, into exile. Defeated, and shamed by pathetic examination and academic result. We have somehow forsaken the Word of the Lord, that His Word became rather irrelevant in our lives. We call ourselves Christians, but yet somehow the identity is nowhere to be found. We are supposed to be set apart, and yet I see no difference between us and an ordinary students.

What's our city wall then? What defines us as Christians? I shared my concerns with Jason, and he asked me with this question: "Then, how do you think a Christian should act or look like?"

I don't think I'm in a place to dictate how a Christian should do or should not do. Christ set us all free to do anything. But I certainly know, that we will naturally know how a Christian should live their lives if they know the Word of God. Our identity is in Christ, and His Word is our city wall. Now how can people tell whether we are a Christian if we do not even understand how important the Holy Bible is to our faith?

It puts me to shame EVERY SINGLE TIME I walk into Bilik Persatuan, where we are supposed to do our daily devotion, on a Monday. The Buddhist students would be there, holding their Holy Book and happily discussing. There will be regularly at least 10 students there, eagerly listen and feed on the wisdom of their faith.

We often refer the Buddhist as pagans and idol worshippers, but come to think of it, we are really no different than them. At least I can tell right away, that these 10 students are Buddhist to the book, and joyfully a Buddhist. And admit it, all we love is ourselves. We worship academics like they are the keys to our future! We bow down to books until late night hoping that the few extra hours or memorizing rituals would bring us some luck in our pathetic quiz the next morning. Yet, merely spending an hour, meditating on His Word, and encouraging another brother or sister in Christ seems so hard.

I don't care about the numbers really. I've given up expecting numbers to dictate the fruit of my labor. I focus on the few who comes, whom God has put into my hands to serve. But I'm worried. I'm worried because as Christian Fellowship may be running normally, we are not functioning as a body of Christ.

What defines us as CF? What's our city wall? Somehow, we have shifted our identity that was supposed to be build upon Jesus Christ and His Word, to the weekly Wednesday meeting that we have. Now, take that away, what are we? Truth be told, I see CF being shattered into nothing but sand. What if one day, BHEPP decided that CF cannot be an official society in campus, and all activities will be deemed illegal gatherings? Will that be the end of CF as a body of Christ? Oh yes, if we continue living like this.

Really, it's not about the numbers. It's really about how much love and care we have for another sibling in Christ. We are supposed to be a body of Christ. Sharing and caring for one another even if there is no official activity that brings us together. A call for worship and prayer would have drawn all of us together even without anything to keep things interesting. We would just come together, worship and prayer with and for one another. Consider the early church in Acts:

And they devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers. And awe came upon every soul, and many wonders and signs were being done through the apostles. And all who believed were together and had all things in common. And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need. And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved. 

Acts 2:42-47

It's funny because ESV Bible titled this portion of the Scripture as "The Fellowship of The Believers". Aren't we "The Fellowship of The Christians"? And yet there are among us who suffered hunger and lack while they are here studying. There are among us who struggles with depression and we do not know. It's not the fact that we do not know such things that indicates that there is a problem with our fellowship, but it's the unwillingness to share our problems that brings the symptoms into the light. We are unwilling to share because we know CF is not functioning as it should to carry each other's burden as we ought to. We think to ourselves, others have their own burdens to carry, let's not burden others with mine. NO! CF is not meant to be like that! We are supposed to have "all things in common"! And that, I believe, includes our shame and struggles.

As a fellowship, we ought to be together, as written in v.44. We ought to be together not to show that we are having fun or meeting as another society in campus, but we ought to be together to listen to, comfort and encourage one another in truth. We ought to be together to grow together as a body of Christ, so that no one is left behind in this spiritual journey. But I don't see that happening in CF. 

We feel more comfortable reading the Scripture on our own, spending time on our own. We are unwilling to share the little, little things that we might learn from reading His Word because we don't think we are "deep" enough to offer any saying that might sound wise. In case I might look stupid saying things, it's best I keep that to myself. After all, the saying goes, "If you have nothing good to say, shut up!"

But let me offend you, I would call you selfish for that. You are selfish because all you think is only about yourself. All you care is how you look before others. You do not consider that fact that these little, little unwise things that you might share, can somehow be a simple word of encouragement that builds up others. You do not consider that what you think is simple may offer someone else a new perspective, even if it may sound silly.

Sometimes we are unwilling to come together because we don't think even if we come together, listen to another's story or struggle would help. We don't think we have any means of helping them, so what's the point? Truth is, more often than not we cannot help them. Really. But it is really our presence that makes all the difference. Why do we have to be in action and offering advices all the time anyway? Because it is more practical, and less awkward if we would be able to help resolve problems instead of that awkward silence and sense of helplessness? Often enough, a listening ear and a friendly hug makes all the difference. We may not be able to help, but we can let each other know that we are not struggling alone. When we carry each other's shoulder, praying for one another, encouraging one another, can really help as each of us go through our lives' journey with God.

Hmmph, pathetic really. We talk about evangelism and reaching out, when we as a body of Christ cannot function properly. Look at Acts 2, God adds to their numbers daily. That's how it works. Unless the body of Christ be significantly portraying Jesus Christ, there's really no point reaching out to unbelievers, who doesn't see our identities and our difference compared to followers of other religion.

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I'm not tired, really. But I'm heart-broken and frustrated, just as Nehemiah may feel about the Israelites.

As soon as I heard these words I sat down and wept and mourned for days, and I continued fasting and praying before the God of heaven. 

Nehemiah 1:4

I'm frustrated because I really want to move forward, and I want to move as a whole with CF. But CF is unwilling to move. We cannot move because each of us is defeated by our own struggles and shame, and yet we cannot help one another. We cannot move because our body of Christ cannot function as each member cares only for our own.

In a more personal level, I'm frustrated because I feel lonely. I feel like I'm the only one here. I know the CF see me as a believer with faith that no ordinary believer can accept. But I'm also another human, who decided to give my life in obedience to Christ, to live all out to Him, like nothing else matter but Him alone. I know the rest can live like a victor too, but too many of us refuse to give up what we comfortably put our hopes on because trusting Jesus is simply too hard.

And people think I'm weird. I'm glad I'm weird to people in fact. As a believer, my life should not make sense to others. I'm gonna love others so much, care for others so much, go for extra miles so much and stand against injustice so much, that it doesn't make sense. Francis Chan wrote in his book, a quote that I would never forget:

Source: http://donaldmcallister.com/francischan/

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Let's rebuild our city walls: Our identity as a "Fellowship of the Believers" in His Word and His Son Jesus Christ. Let's come together even when it's hard to find time, to encourage one another, to build up one another and to carry one another's burden upon our shoulder and carry each other through our walk of faith in live. Let's make the worship of our Lord Jesus Christ a daily necessity, not a snack or dessert on a Wednesday movie night or Sunday family day.

Let's worship Him, every second of our lives.

And I said, “O Lord God of heaven, the great and awesome God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments, let your ear be attentive and your eyes open, to hear the prayer of your servant that I now pray before you day and night for the people of Israel your servants, confessing the sins of the people of Israel, which we have sinned against you. Even I and my father's house have sinned. We have acted very corruptly against you and have not kept the commandments, the statutes, and the rules that you commanded your servant Moses. Remember the word that you commanded your servant Moses, saying, ‘If you are unfaithful, I will scatter you among the peoples, but if you return to me and keep my commandments and do them, though your outcasts are in the uttermost parts of heaven, from there I will gather them and bring them to the place that I have chosen, to make my name dwell there.’ They are your servants and your people, whom you have redeemed by your great power and by your strong hand. O Lord, let your ear be attentive to the prayer of your servant, and to the prayer of your servants who delight to fear your name, and give success to your servant today, and grant him mercy in the sight of this man.” 

Nehemiah 1:5-11