The Undesired King of Majesty

Revelation 4

The Throne in Heaven

After this I looked, and behold, a door standing open in heaven! And the first voice, which I had heard speaking to me like a trumpet, said, “Come up here, and I will show you what must take place after this.” At once I was in the Spirit, and behold, a throne stood in heaven, with one seated on the throne. And he who sat there had the appearance of jasper and carnelian, and around the throne was a rainbow that had the appearance of an emerald. Around the throne were twenty-four thrones, and seated on the thrones were twenty-four elders, clothed in white garments, with golden crowns on their heads. From the throne came flashes of lightning, and rumblings and peals of thunder, and before the throne were burning seven torches of fire, which are the seven spirits of God, and before the throne there was as it were a sea of glass, like crystal. And around the throne, on each side of the throne, are four living creatures, full of eyes in front and behind: the first living creature like a lion, the second living creature like an ox, the third living creature with the face of a man, and the fourth living creature like an eagle in flight. And the four living creatures, each of them with six wings, are full of eyes all around and within, and day and night they never cease to say,

“Holy, holy, holy, is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come!”

And whenever the living creatures give glory and honor and thanks to him who is seated on the throne, who lives forever and ever, the twenty-four elders fall down before him who is seated on the throne and worship him who lives forever and ever. They cast their crowns before the throne, saying,

“Worthy are you, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they existed and were created.”

Today, I went to CF unusually early. Any other day I would be late because of Ultimate, which also fall on Wednesday evening. I was early today because I wanna at least catch the worship session before my lecture starts at 8pm. The lecture is a complete waste of time for its first 30min anyway, so I didn't care. All that I cared was going to worship Him. I needed it, desperately. I couldn't wait for the worship to start, that I helped to get the (unnecessary) PA system ready.

It's Good Friday week, and Ernest picked songs that speak unusually close to my heart today, like my heart has never be in-sync with the worship this semester before. When we were singing "Holy is the Lamb", the picture of God's Majesty in His Heavenly throne was alive right in front of me. I could see the hands of God's people raising their hands to give Him glory, the elders laying down their crown and bow down before the King of kings. Everyone was singing at the top of their lungs, "Ho~ly~ is~~ the Lamb~~~", and Jesus was there at the throne, in His glorious robe. He is glorious yet I see His stricken, disfigured face. There are scars on His body and there's His nail-pierced hands. And everyone continue to give Him glory.

I cried. Why don't we desire Him? Why don't CF desire Him? Who don't CF desire a Majestic God like Him? Why would CF desire things other than the glorious, and almighty Him? Why is this God, who receives glory and praise day and night in Heaven, so despised, trampled and undesired on earth? What is wrong with us? I cry because we are just so STUPID! I cry because, O God, we must have mistreated the only worthy and good King in the history of humanity!

I cry because CF don't desire Him. We don't desire to worship Him. We don't desire to come into His presence. We disgust at the idea of letting Him come into our life and be Everything and Only-thing of us. We want a good grade more than a good King. We want 0.5 marks, more than a day in His court.

I cry because we think we have a choice to put His out of certain things that we do. I cry.

I cry because we call ourselves Christians, and yet we live so indifferent from other. I cry because His presence in our live did not make a difference. I cry because we don't think God can take care of our studies. I cry because we don't trust that He's capable of taking care of our study, and an extra hour of chewing that tasteless book would guarantee us life. I cry because others are looking at us, saying: "The Christians often talk about their great God and yet He can't even settle their studies for them. Look at them, they study ON THEIR OWN, just like us! If their God is so great, give them good grades! I don't see a difference in believe their God anyway, I'm pretty good on my own." I cry not because our lives doesn't make sense, but because they do!

I cry because God is a part of our lives. I cry because He's ONLY A PART of our lives. I cry because You only deserve our leftover. I cry because we come and worship You in convenience. I cry because we worship You when we are free. I cry because we worship You when I have nothing better to do.

Today, I cry. O God, we have mistreated you in every way! You alone are worthy of praise, and you are justified when you said in Malachi 1:6-14

“A son honors his father, and a servant his master. If then I am a father, where is my honor? And if I am a master, where is my fear? says the Lord of hosts to you, O priests, who despise my name. But you say, ‘How have we despised your name?’ By offering polluted food upon my altar. But you say, ‘How have we polluted you?’ By saying that the Lord's table may be despised. When you offer blind animals in sacrifice, is that not evil? And when you offer those that are lame or sick, is that not evil? Present that to your governor; will he accept you or show you favor? says the Lord of hosts. And now entreat the favor of God, that he may be gracious to us. With such a gift from your hand, will he show favor to any of you? says the Lord of hosts. Oh that there were one among you who would shut the doors, that you might not kindle fire on my altar in vain! I have no pleasure in you, says the Lord of hosts, and I will not accept an offering from your hand. For from the rising of the sun to its setting my name will be great among the nations, and in every place incense will be offered to my name, and a pure offering. For my name will be great among the nations, says the Lord of hosts. But you profane it when you say that the Lord's table is polluted, and its fruit, that is, its food may be despised. But you say, ‘What a weariness this is,’ and you snort at it, says the Lord of hosts. You bring what has been taken by violence or is lame or sick, and this you bring as your offering! Shall I accept that from your hand? says the Lord. Cursed be the cheat who has a male in his flock, and vows it, and yet sacrifices to the Lord what is blemished. For I am a great King, says the Lord of hosts, and my name will be feared among the nations.

O Lord, forgive us. Please forgive us, when we do not desire You, even when Your glory is fear among the nations.